He's Just Not That Into Me

Hola Amigos..
yesterday was a 'rainy' day so I decided to put off my internet cable and looked for something to read. But then I felt so bored so I opened my old box and looked for some DVDs to be watched. well there were some movies that I've bought since even some years ago but I never watched them. while choosing a movie, my eyes stucked in 'He's just not that into you'. I've had this movie for almost a year but never played it on. when I was in KKN, a friend also bought this movie but still had no mood to watch it. looking at the title, I was just afraid.. I didnt know what was I afraid about, but now I realize it. I didnt want to know if 'he's just not into me'. How shame, I was running away.
but not now, thing has changed, I've learn a lot.. yesterday I finally watched it, along the movies I often said, "oh it's just like me". I love everyword said by the actors and the actresses, they're all mad me feel better.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave."
"And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never gave up hope."
(He's just not that into you, 2009)

(Maybe) Unfair

http://sayingimages.tumblr.com/page/5

Here Comes The Sun

http://cittawidagdo.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/kiddo1.jpg

such a cute pie, when I browsed pictures with the keyword 'kiddo', I finally found this. Aha, how LIFE is full of expressions.
foto diatas lucu kan? *iya lucu sekalii. Baiklah, di pagi hari ini sebelum mandi saya iseng browsing gambar2 *hal yang udah lamaa sekali nggak saya lakukan. Kenapa saya iseng? karena kepala saya sedang pusing kebanyakan acara dan kerjaan *cih* akhir2 ini. Obat pusing yang paling mujarab itu buat saya bukan facebook atau twitter (kadang kamu bahkan tambah pusing liat fb atau twitter). Obat pusing itu sama dengan musicing, writing, blogwalking, dan browsing gambar2 lucu yang bisa menghibur. dan inilah hasilnya. wah kalo saya dikasih anak ini, mauu, hehe..
so here comes the SUN :)
I do love 'Bee Movie' and I love the way Sheryl Crow sang this song. lebih suka yang ini daripada versi aslinya...

This is Just Another Weekend :)

heyhoo.. finally it's saturday, the day which means nothing to someone like me who always has nothing to do with monday and even sunday, everyday is just the same :p. last night a fella texted me and inviting me to move my feet jogging the day after. and yes, today, this morning, I woke up early at the supercold moment then I walked out from my room, picking my friend up and went to campuss.
what a fresh morning, it has been long time since the last time I jogged. I love the weather, a lilltle bit misty and cold but fresh anyway.
well, my campuss is very beutiful in the early morning. we jogged around many faculties, someties we stopped while looking at new things, the things we've never seen before, like the new SPORT CENTER, Sughoiii!!! it's great but I think I wont have any chances to use it.
in the front yard of Kampus Unpad Jatinangor, there's a new football court with a good jogging track around it but unfortunately, we couldnt use it yet because it has not finished yet.
actually it was no problem jogging not in a jogging track but wow, our campuss is a rocky and uphill, haha.. still it's okay, we just stopped a moment when we were tired.
so how do I feel now? SO GOOD, I feel like I've removed the bad aura from my mind :D
my body is so fresh now, wanna do it again, I wanna RUN, yes and FASTER fellas :)
have a nice day amigos..

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
(Michael Jordan)

Penny and Me (were)

Just like the rainbow after the rain,
a good thing will always happen after you experience pain.

What a week, thanks God for arranging many ‘surprise’ for me, I'm grateful that I can survive till now. A hard week, it seemed like everythings around me said, “Hey be tough you girl!”
I sumtimes would feel so useless if I couldnt stop dramaing my heart.
What am I actually thinking by doing such a useless things, Oh cmon, million of people in the other continent are starving now. Still million of people too are ailing killed viruses. Then million of people are losing home, losing families, losing life by the disaster, and ME? Alhamdulilah I’m healthy all over my body, I aint lack of anything, I still eat, I dont suffer from any viruses, and thanks God I live in a safe area.
Then WHY? Why I spent most of my time thinking of you, you’re even stay in my mind while I’m running, why are you everywhere to me, hey the one who actually useless for me? It’s because I’m tired, but I dont know how to deal with it. It’s not like I’ve got e fever so I could get paracetamol for curing, but in this case, I’m sick and YOU are the medicine that I’ll never get.
Even if someday you come, I swear myself I wont give you although just a damned little attention. I mean after all you’ve done, you wont deserve it. I think I’d better suffering all my life. You have to know that maybe NOW I’m so fool but, hey isnt it LIFE? You have to learn to be GOOD. Now I’m learning, err not now, all these years, thanks to YOU. Believe me I’m always wishing you a happy life though you’ve ruined me. Me too always put you at my highest pride, even when you left me without saying anything. And most important is the fact that there’s no one like you, thanks God for everything we’ve been through. You might be irreplaceble but if I could choose, I’d rather be with someone who will stay and never leave.

hey, no, this is not a song for you, this is for my dog and I dont know why I keep playing this song along day.. I'm just in love with it..

"Cigars in the summertime
Under the sky
By the light
I can feel you read my mind
I can see it in your eyes
Under the moon as it plays like music every line
There's a rug with a bleeding dye
Under the fan
In the room where the passion is burning high
By the chair with the leopard skin under the light
It's always Penny and me tonight"
...
"Staring at a million city lights
But still Penny and I are all alone beneath the sky
Feel the wind rushing slowly by
If I could soar I would try to take these wings and fly
Away to where the leaves turn red but no matter where I am instead
Singing along to feeling alright
Or making it by pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight"
...
"Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down
Turn the radio up
Push the pedal to the ground
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies
Close our eyes
Pretend to fly
It's always Penny and me tonight"
...
"Penny likes to get away and drown her pain in lemonade
Penny dreams of rainy days and nights up late by the fireplace
And aimless conversations 'bout the better days
Singing along to feeling alright
Making it by under pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight"
...
Penny and Me (Hanson)

Zzz...

A: Haha, I'm so stupid. I fell for him, knowing for a fact he wouldn't catch me. Damn, that fall sure did hurt
B: why do you have to be? he didnt deserve you
A: yes I have to, I dont have any reasons to fall for him. When I say, “I love him,” it’s not because I want him or because I can’t have him. It has nothing to do with me. I love what he is, what he does, how he try. I’ve seen his kindness and his strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of him. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what he is.
B: If then could you please loving him without hoping?
A: I should be a saint
B: Yes you are, you fall for the one who ruined you. It's more than enough to be a saint
A: But I'd rather be with him than being a saint
B: You're just selfish. You said that you fell for him but you dont even accept that he fell for other
A: Why? after all we've been through?
B: He's just the same as you
A: No he isnt, he's heartless
B: You're all wrong, when you said that you dont have any reasons to fall for him, he doesnt too, he doenst have any reasons to fall for her
A: ...
B: Dont cry
A: No, I'm not, I'll look fooler if I cry
B: You deserve more, believe me
A: no, that's not it. how do I get better once I got the best?
B: Relationships are not about whom you've known the longest, or who cared first or who cared best... it's all about who came and never left.
A: I think I'm gonna cry
B: Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again
A: I dont know if the pain is gone or if I'm just getting used to it
B: Never dwell on the past and dont allow the future to scare you, because it will crush the happiness of your present
A: nothing quite like the feel of something new. maybe i’m all messed up
B: You deserve more..
A: I hope so..

nb: quotes are from many sources rearranged by me

I am Happy Today

a kind of advertisement but this is my favorite drink before doing sport :D (photo by me)

us vs the oldstar

on a break

look, I was truly happy

me on the field, nothing to worry but the ball and the opponents

with our coach, ajay, ready to fight :D

preparing for the game
(all photos above taken by ajay)

HOLA AMIGOS..
what am I so happy about today is that I finally met my supervisor and mad some movement on my thesis. but wait, no that's not it, I was so happy because I could join a class this day. International Law II class, my supervisor's class. I've been given a chance for one more time sitting in a classroom, learning my favorite subject about The Law of The Sea. I love to learn how a state struggled to protect the sea as the part of their sovereignity. espesially for Indonesia as an archipelagic state, I think that I should have known manything about the law of the sea, about the territorial sea, normal baseline, straight baseline, the right of innocent passage, historical bay, etc.. (I'm not giving a lecture here so if you need to know more just ask me later :D). Indonesia is a big country but unfortunately we still dont have any ability to protect all of our sea, even untill now, we havent finished to determine our boundaries with singapore yet. we've been fooled so many times by that little-but-shrewd state-city and we cant deny the fact that we still about so far to claim anything related to our right in our sea. me, as Indonesian scholar of international relation want to understand this matter deeper, who knows that someday I'll be the delegate of Indonesia to struggle for the existence of our sea, amiin ;)

well it wasnt just it. this afternoon, I was joining a futsal match delegated by 2006 to battle against oldstar team (2005,2004,2003). this match perfectly ended this perfect noon. I'm not so good at sport but I might have bigger spirit to do it more than anyone else. I love being in a game. I love to move my body on the court. I love when I have time to not thingking about anything but kicking the ball. I love the moment when I dont remember anything but controlling the ball.

well finally, the game ended us with 1-4 scores. yes, we were defeated by the oldstar team, but it's not like when I'm in a speech or debating contest where I'd be dying sad if I lost. in that game though we're not the winner, we're all happy (it showed on our faces). the oldstar team which is most of are the athletes of our faculty (and of our campuss too) were great rivals that mad the game became more interensting. I'm now so tired, I got cramps all over my body (no wonder I havent been in a game for long time) but I feel like I've got my mind refreshed, I hope you all feel the same :D

nb: I honestly say that I cant wait for the next match :)

(I wish) My Last Year

we learned together to love our job

let's go to 'Dakken' once more mates :)

we couldnt make it to 'Rumah Sosis' but 'se7en' was enough since we're together :)

time's running out and one of us has been leaving

dont you miss Keyla? that brillian kid :p

we were even gangsters :D

we're tired of our make up but we spent that night together

let's do that silly pose again :D

happy to se you teenagers ;)

I love you full dear jasmine crews :)

with all those ITB'ers, the future engineers

we were so cute in those Yukata :p

I miss the time we mad 'Majalah Dinding' infokomers

I was mad because of Symphonesia 2008, but thanks God you're all with me :)

we are the research department

we were the IR journalists :D

look what we were in our first year :))

Bali was a great experience with La Via Campesina, VIVA Campesina :D

A year ago acting such idiots at ITB :p

hey, I'm just wondering of something this early morning.. when I've just woken up from my short sleep, I suddenly looked at the calendar and realize that this is (should be) my last semester in university. This means I will soon graduate, no longer trouble my parents and can live independently. but on the other hand, I am sad to part with my friends on campus. four years is not a long time but more than enough to know close to the campus and its contents. well, I'm not even good in saying such a parting words though I've experienced it manytimes. it's not like I'm dying without my friends, no.. me and my friends will absolutely have our own way, we'll be totally part when we've had our own life. my future is not depend on them and theirs arent depend on me too. then why do we have to be closed in these last months? it's not because I have no choice, no.. it's just because I dont need any reasons to have friends and so I dont need any reasons to leave anyone but let's stay close these last months :)

*To have a friend, be a friend.

The Skripsweet

beberapa jam yang lalu saya baru aja curhat ga penting bahwa saya siap sekali bimbingan hari ini, memang benar, saya siap tapi sekarang saya benar2 merasa sakit hatii, apa salah dan dosa saya #lebay. sakit hati kali ini jauh lebih sakit rasanya daripada patah hati sekalipun (eh emang gimana rasanya patah hati? gatau juga).
oke orang yang saya tunggu2 tiba2 nggak bisa datang karena sedang ada urusan di kantor pajak, hancur hati saya mendengarnya. well, tenang, orang ini bukan pacar saya, dan statusnya lebih ribet dari sekedar pacar, beliau ini adalah dosen pembimbing saya yang saya hargai.. tau nggak gimana rasanya? persis seperti ditusuk2 jarum #iklan banget.
dengan langkah lunglai gontai lemah letih lesu saya pulang ke kosan, yah, inilah saya sekarang. alih2 meneruskan bab 1 saya malah mampir dulu di blogger.com.
oiya saya baru ingat, blog saya ini umurnya sudah 2 tahun. saya kembali baca2 postingan awal saya, ah kangennya masa2 kuliah #berasaudahlulus. ada juga beberapa bagian yang membuat saya mikir, ih saya dulu bego ya (sekarang juga masih sih..), ih saya nyebelin banget ya (banyakan nggak pentingnya). well, pertama kali bikin blog saya nggak berpikiran untuk membagikan pada masyarakat dunia maya tentang pemikiran2 saya yang cemerlang (honestly I'm not a philosopher, I'm just a thinker :D), pernah ada yang berkomentar "eh wid, blog lu yang isinya curhat2an semua ya?", dengan lapang dada saya jawab, iya, memang ini blog isinya kebanyakan curhat. saya dulunya nggak begitu suka cerita sama orang lain, lebih suka dituliskan disini. saya pengen suatu hari nanti, walopun saya udah nggak tau ada di dunia mana, ada yang menemukan blog saya, dan tau bahwa saya pernah ada, hehe..
saya nggak menulis apa yang menurut orang lain keren atau cool, saya menulis apa yang ingin saya tulis, apa yang saya rasakan, dan apa yang saya alami. saya juga nggak berharap orang2 membaca tulisan2 saya (mendingan kalian baca buku baylis, itu lebih bermanfaat :D)
hm.. baiklah, saya rasa ini adalah sindrom orang stress karena skripsi, eh sebenarnya saya tidak sesetres itu juga sih, tenang kawan, skripsi tidak akan merusak masa mudamu *makin ngawur
udah ah.. saya mau lanjut kerjain bab 1 saya..

Talking to Myself

hola amigos.. como esta?
ah estoy muy bien peroo.. saya lagi nggak begitu bersemangat akhir-akhir ini. setiap hari menghabiskan waktu di depan oDell (laptop kesayangan saya), tapi nggak banyak yang saya kerjakan. mengetik hampir 25 halaman Bab I skripsi saya, dan pada akhirnya semua masuk ke recycle bin. YA, tulisan saya sama sekali jauh dari yang seharusnya saya tulis jadi ketika saya kembali membaca, saya mulai sadar, saya menulis skripsi hanya karena tuntutan bahwa itulah yang harus saya kerjakan setiap hari. pada akhirnya hasil yang saya dapatkan jauh dari menyenangkan hati saya. tadi malam, sama seperti malam2 sebelumnya, saya kembali bercengkrama dengan oDell, berharap saya bisa tiba2 mendapat ilham untuk menghasilkan mahakarya Bab I yang sempurna (ahh mulai ngaco).sampai pukul 23.00 saya masih sempat mampir di twitter dan menyampah, sesekali mengintip FB, membalas post2 teman2 saya. ah hingga hari berganti saya tetap stuck, mengawang2, berharap tiba2 saya udah berada di graha sanusi, dan diwisuda, ah tapi sangat tidak mungkin. atau saya tiba2 berharap saya balik lagi ke masa kecil, kemudian mengajak bapak jogging, ah apalagi ini, sangat tidak mungkin.
saya mencoba realistis. Hey WIDA ini sudah bulan Maret, ya saya tahu ini Maret, lalu?
ah ya, gelombang selanjutnya untuk wisuda adalah bulan Mei, lalu?
itu artinya saya harus berusaha mengejar Mei. hampir subuh hingga akhirnya saya benar2 memulai sesuatu yang baru (mengetik ulang dan mengais2 berita lagi). sekarang pukul 08.30 pagi, dua jam menuju proses eksekusi di ruang serbaguna lantai.2 gedung dekanat FISIP Unpad, tempat saya akan bertemu sang guru, yang saya idolakan, kami akan membicarakan mengenai masa depan saya (tetunya masalah skripsi). entah kenapa hari ini saya merasa sangat siap karena saya menulis dengan niat, bukan semata-mata karena tidak ada hal lain yang harus saya kerjakan, terimakasih Bamby yang sudah banyak memberikan support. I'll swear I'm gonna make it by this month bamb, ganbarimasuu :)
ternyata benar bahwa a little time is always more than enough to make a great decision