HAPPY NEW YEAR!

They say that time flies, but you keep breaking its wings -Tablo

HAPPY NEW  YEAR!

I was sleeping a while ago when firework attacks here and there noisily, then I got up and didn't know what to do, until I remember I have abandoned this blog for a long time. Busy? it's a lie. Really busy? It's an excuse. Truth is I enjoy my life too much out there that I go home sleepy everyday. I planned this blog as a place for me to tell things I couldn't tell in real life at first. I'm not good at expressing myself. one thing I hate the most is getting angry and let my emotion control me. This blog has been such great help to release them.

Well, go back to reality, another year has just passed. Many things happened this year. I'm sure I've accomplished things beside the fact that I also forgot (didn't really put effort) for other things.

The first thing that makes me proud of (at least) myself, I (think) I finally let go of the past. I've had enough of being sad over unfinished things. When I write this, I have no hard feelings. Friends are getting married, having babies, getting scholarships, and other so called achievements, but me, I honestly am grateful with only how I finally feel since I need long way to go to this point of thought. I finally know how it feels to love my own self. I finally realize that I was too hard on myself. I never enjoyed myself the past recent years. I want to catch up on things I should have done before, it's never late for that.

The second good thing about this year is I finally got a job I'm sure I could develop myself with. I'm still learning here and there, I start from the bottom again. Something I didn't even ever imagined I could do.I'm so thankful of my supportive mum, sisters, and former students who were THERE, as my shelter, during my struggle and my transition. I didn't know how to go through that without them. It looks easy as how happy  I am now, but if you happened to see me six months ago, I might have looked lifeless. I had countless sleepless night thinking about this. I was afraid too, I was scared that I would never be as happy as I was that time anymore, BUT, they made it possible. Now  here I am, learning new things happily. Do I miss teaching? YES, a lot, but not to the point where I would regret my decision. I'm grateful for my job now.

The third thing this year is that one of my sister finally (almost) finishes her uni days, she's going to have her defense day this January. It's wonderful to be her keeper and see her til this time. My dad starts nagging on how I should settle down now since my sister will soon be independent, and how my mom, in the contrary supports me to pursue things I've dreamed of this whole time. It's funny how cool every of us arguing over this, I'm glad for my understanding mother, and I'm grateful for my thoughtful father for he's the most realistic person and he filters me. 

About what my Dad told me, to be honest, I've been thinking about it lately. I feel terrible too when I can't do things I want just because I'm like who I am now. When I want to go somewhere, there's some voice scolding me "It's time for you to have someone going with you.", when I enjoyed watching movies, there's voice yelling at me, "Rather than getting immersed on story on screen, think of your life!" well, fyi, I call it a 'life' too. When I say I don't want to know someone further, there's voice telling me, "You don't want to end up alone, DON'T YOU?", how tiring. When I buy stuffs I like, "Buying clothes? how old are you? what are you doing while others are buying baby clothes?". when I spend time  with guys I know, there's voice again scolding me, "They have girlfriends, what are you planning to do with them???", well this is the most irritating. Never once in my life I felt so desperate and planned on snatching what someone has. I have my moral too. just because I'm not in any relationship, just because I'm not married, it doesn't mean that I'm a threat and immoral. If they think that way, they don't have enough trust on me, which means we are finished. These little things might justify my father's demand on me. He's right, I must soon settle down, but not that  fast, daddy ;)

The fourth thing is I found myself having butterflies in my stomach. To cut the story short, It didn't end up well, in fact I was only played for a fool, but no the point is not like I broke my heart and felt depressed, big no. I want to emphasize on how grateful I am to still be able to feel THAT. I thought after all I've been through, after I realize that I should love myself more, I would never be able to have that feeling again, but now I'm more confident that I can. When it didn't end up well, I didn't cry or blame my stupidity, well I felt stupid, but just that, not more, now it feels like it never happened.

The fifth thing is for TONS other things  happened this year, I might write until next week to tell you all of them. 

It's still awkward to write 2015. 

It's another January. A month which was usually spent for I wish, if only, and if. it's been 12 years since that very gloomy January. I learned this year that no one could replace him. I wished he were here, in any form or any way. I met students whom I felt soooo close with that I considered them as him in other forms, but not, we were close but there were to much limit telling me that they could be close to me, but they're not him. Some friends were too close that I was overly happy thinking that it was a chance to feel him around, but not, if it were him, he would never misjudged and hurt me badly, I would never be hurt as we are bonded by blood. I realize that he is NOT here, as in my reality, but no doubt, he is always in my heart and I won't ask for more. Happy January, dear little one in heaven. I love you and always will.

I'm not going to burden myself with useless thought this year. I'm positive. People hurt us, but well people love us too. Problem appears, but see how better days come afterward.  All is well.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, HAPPY SOULS!

Attention Seekers Part 2

Ah, I can't believe that I need very long time to continue my previous story. Well, today, I finally got my official contract for my new status, Junior 2 Teacher, after the class observations, workshop, submitting lesson plans, etc, in the end I did quite well :p

About the messy mushroom class during the observation, I kept thinking about it, after that, I couldn't face my principal directly, I was afraid and had a feeling that she must have thought that I was incapable as a teacher. It affected my mood in the class, after that class, we still had several meetings before the project and progress tests, so every time I saw my students, it's not that I hate them, but as normal human I had a thought like, "ah.. I could have done better if only you had cooperated well that day". I acted normally but inside my heart, I felt worried. The result of the observation was still unknown but I presumed myself. My spirit eventually went down in handling that class. I was nervous of bad result possibility.

One day after that D-day, I came to that class wearing brand new shoes, they're brown almost red, and I could admit that they're my most girly shoes with even ribbons on them. My kids didn't say anything but they looked at mine obviously, their pride was just too high to ask whether I wore new shoes.

During the class activities, a kiddo came to me and asked question, but instead of normally standing in front of me, he stocked his plump body to my legs, since he wasn't doing it for whiny purpose, I let it be. While I was answering his question, he lost his balance and stepped on my shoes, and as soon as that happen, he swapped the ribbon on my right shoes with his big crocs sandals until the ribbon stocked out and fell on the floor, I was shocked, widened my eyes, looked at the crocodile that had eaten my clueless new shoes. I could have been angry, but then I controlled my self, ok I was sure he would apologize, I knew he's not a bad kid.

Surprisingly more shocked than me, the kiddo looked scared and he left me speechless with his excuse. Rather than saying sorry, he said senseless words, "Ms, is this your new shoe? that's whyyy, I actually want to tell you, don't buy ABAL-ABAL shoes, this is cheap but bad, look now it's broken, buy crocs like me, this is good shoes". Normally I would stop him and remind him about Indonesian word he said, "abal-abal", but that time, my head burned, this crocs monster, how could he say such things. I was thinking of a counter attack when he said another defended words, "your shoes are abal-abal ms, my MOM said good shoes are crocs...". After his last excuse, my head cooled down, I really wanted to meet his mum that time. I was angry to him, but I felt that his mum should take the blame for the not-sorry kiddo.  

After that, my spirit suppressed dramatically there. the next meeting, it was around three meetings left before we finished the level. I came to the class promising my self to forget all the traumatic things happened there.

As soon as I got in, several kids were busy writing and drawing, then, a chubby girl came to me and said, "Next level, you're still with us, right?", I just put on a smile. "I like you, This is for you from us, please keep this". I was curious but then sentimentally smiled looking at the note she gave me. Ah how I could ignore those kids. They made mistake by adding 'are' before love, but I didn't mind at all, and what's with 'from the children', so cheesy, hehe.

Well, about the observation result, I was kinda taken aback when the principal said good thing about my teaching procedures, "It must be hard on you, teaching kids, they don't calculate our feelings like adult, they do things recklessly, but I really like the way you coped with them, the way you personally handle them, bear in your mind that you have the patience as the key to teaching kids, keep it up....". I was blanked, the principal said all good things about the way I treated the students, in fact she criticized only the technical thing, "during the pair work, you made a student ask and the pair answer, it was actually good, but it would be much better if they didn't do it only that way, they need to exchange their role to add the exposure to the language....". So the feedback session was almost all about technical thing, mushroom class attitude that time didn't influence any of my credits. And, see now, I've pass another step, now I'm a Junior 2 teacher, the mushroom class is currently being taught by another teacher, let them experience, reflect, and learn. I'm thankful to them for giving me unexpected experience and good time.

Attention Seekers

Still remember the class with mushroom stories? once I read the story again, it looks like that's a perfect class where every teacher's plan will go smoothly. In fact, sometimes I feel like the kids (they're all about six or 7 and one is 8) start taking me easy, this recurring problem is not new at all for a lenient teacher like me, but I don't want to tell about it.

So this is a story about my kind of 'D-day', an important day. In our school, teachers are normally observed by the principal every several months, so this is my 9th observation day. The mushroom class, we call it Red 1, was chosen as the representative of my children class. I didn't feel nervous at all since that wasn't my first time, although we've got new material with completely new publisher books and multimedia, I had no worry. So I made my lesson plan well, activity by activity. I predicted things that could ruin my session until I finally thought that everything's perfect.

At the 'D-day', I told them that the principal would join them studying. Their response was just like "Oh, ohkay". I didn't have any intuition about unplanned things to happen.

The principal was finally sitting there when I started the class. And you know whaat? even since the first stage of teaching procedures, things were going unplanned.

I normally start by talking to them about their day, the food they ate, the lesson they studied at school, the cartoon they watched previous night, and even their plans after class, they have always been excited telling me everything, Gaby, the most talkative usually starts with "I'm not happy today, but I'm not angry too, just so so, I'm a lil bit tired, you know I have many course, and I clean my bedroom, my sister is lazy, never tidy the room, and today at school I have math test, it's easy, bla bla...". Marco ever replied me "Today I play basketball, I fight with P4, they're big, but I score one, tomorrow I play again at school but with P3, I think I will win again, bla bla...", even the quietest student, Priska always answers like, "I study PE today, weekend I go to church and then eat at the mall with my mum and dad and brother..". 

Normally they answer that way, but as soon as another new person (which was the principal) joined us, they turned to be aliens. This is the chronology of my first stage, talk to the students.

I started, "Hello everyone! so how's you day today? who's happy here? Are you all sad? no?" (I started brightly).

No one answered me, they put on very expensive faces telling me like, "want me to speak? pay in advance!". I tried really hard until several of them answered, "don't want to tell you about today". I was choked, but all was well, I went to the second stage, warming up. I had prepared a very exhilarating game with a lot of expectation in it. Normally since it was a new game, they will shout excitingly "I want to play, me first, me first, me first!", but while the principal was watching, they put on their "still expensive face" and just responded, "ms, I don't want to play", "it's boring ms, can I not play?", "can we play other game?", "ms, I want play hangman". Nothing answered as expected although in the end they played after my eyes almost popped out (I lie,hehe).

It was really funny once I thought about it again. Thank God, I'm not a newbie so I've learned to be prepared for those unplanned situations.

In the middle of my presentation, they could follow me in a quite normal way. I chose pair work as the practice, I divided them in to several pairs, usually, they never complain about anything during this activity. They have to follow all my instructions, but that day, they quite disappointed me because one of them didn't care about my instructions, and kept complaining as well, "ms, I think I know how to do this, we better bla.. bla.. so it is more interesting bla.. bla..", I don't mind my kids giving me suggestions, but at that time she talked a nonsense rule which wasn't correct at all but just created a chaotic situation. I got stiff because of that. I started getting more serious so they could follow me seriously too.

During the production stage, I encourage them to draw their room "this morning and now", basically they've just been intruduced to "past tense, was and were". Normally almost all of them are excited of drawing because it's fun, but that day, ane of the students said, "ms aaah, I don't want to draw", then, "ms, I can not draw", one who wanted to draw even said, "I want to draw the mountain and the beach", and there they went out of control. I never shout at my students, I don't believe in the "scary way" to educate. So I started shifting their attention from rebelling, I mumbled, "hm.. Amazing World of Gumball last episode wasn't interesting at all...", normally they will be offended and reply, "noooo, I like it!", "it was greaat not bad!" and other defensive answers, but at that day, they answer, "I don't watch it, I don't like gumball anymore, I like 'adventure time now'", I was like, argh! (but only in my heart, of course :D). I could see the principal couldn't hold her smile.

Finally after feeling like it's been a thousand years, the last fifteen minutes, the principal left. As soon as she left, all the aliens turned to be my normal kids! and started telling a lot of story and all. I was just sighing non-stop.

Ooops! this gonna be a very longe story, I'll make it in to two part because I'm running out of time to prepare going to my office, see you tonight, blogspot!

My Father and Me

The relationship between me and my father is difficult to define. So far that I know, we're very close because I've always done everything he asked me to do. I did well at school. I didn't make friends with those who my father thought would harm me. I've always stayed at home playing snake and ladder, monopoly, scrabble, or lego after school since he told me that our neighborhood environment wasn't good. I've always slept in the afternoon exactly from 2 until 4, I had never gone to school before I finished my breakfast. I had never had my lunch before I fixed my shoes and uniforms on the right place. I remember that I never intentionally disappointed him except when I skipped one of my afternoon sleeping time and escaped from the windows to play with my friends, I do regret it.

I know we're very close because I've always been there for him. In the morning, I would be the one who was ready to join my father's morning exercise, running. I remember it was always still dark, my sisters would still be covered by their thick blanket while me, ready to fight with the morning breeze. Sometimes I wonder, why did I want to do that? If I didn't want to, I could just say no, but the fact that I did it, maybe it was also part of my unconditional love toward my father.

He would run so fast and leave me behind then I would be scared of being alone in the dark so I would try my best to chase him. Sometimes my father would trick me, give me his heavy bag and said that he needed to fix his shoelaces. when the bag was in my hands, he would run again, and I'd hardly try to chase him with that heavy bag.

That was happened eight or ten years ago. As the time goes by, We barely have time to do those things. My father is loosening his strict rules toward me. During my high school  I could go wherever I wanted to go, I could get home late in the night. To get those kind of freedom crept me out too. I asked my mother why he always permitted me doing everything, and my mom's answer made me speechless, "your father knows how stubborn you are, even though he says, no, you won't listen, you'll still do things you like, so tactfully he always says, yes". I wonder if I was really that stubborn, but thanks father for putting your trust on me that time.

Nowadays, I barely talk to my father. He isn't a text man, neither do I. He's not so keen on talking on the phone, and I found it more difficult to build conversation on the phone with him, you know, things have changed, and when it happened, we're at different place and situation.

As he goes older, I know how I come to this level of stubbornness, it was inherited by him.

About two weeks ago, I went home. As usual, my father would gladly drive me to places I requested. We talked a lot along the way. My father isn't the kind of man who said sweet words to me, we often exchanged nag and ended up defensing ourselves. It was still the same fun.

Two weeks ago, I realized one thing, I need to get to know my father more and my father needs to get to know me more, because in several part, I'm not the same as I used to be. It's quite amusing, let me give you example. During lebaran, I was quite exhausted following my father here and there visiting thousands of relatives which meant I tied my hand on my father's hand, which also meant not ordinary since in my town, people at my age should go with friends, not with their father visiting all the oldies. I did enjoy knowing my relatives, but I felt too tired that time so I did protest him why he kept forcing me to follow him everywhere. His answer made me furious, "Is it a burden following me? why? wanna go with your friends? where are they? I don't see one these days, and its not like you have a boyfriend either to take you everywhere, so just follow me and memorize all your relatives". I was burned that time, I didn't want to just lose, so I answered, "why mentioning boyfriend? how am I going to have boyfriend if I always follow my father and my mother everywhere?". My father just laughed. I thought about it a lot, he's surely concerned about me. These days I barely meet my friends, they're busy with their own lives and I wont bother disturbing them. It brought me to tears though.

Another story that strengthened the fact that we both needs to get to know each other more, we've got so many relatives, some of them live quite far that we need to drive there. One day we planned to visit one of them. My father warmed up his old car, then my mother got in, my two sisters came afterward while I was still in my bedroom, fixing my messy liquid eyeliner, to be honest I'm not in to eyeliner, I'm still amateur. I wasn't keen on 'make up', but these days I learned about it. When I got home, people kept thinking that I was still students, and my mother kept encouraging me to change a bit, to take care of my 'womanish side' to look as what adult woman looks in my town. So that day, my father kept pressing the horn calling me out. I was really angry because even in a normal situation, I hardly put on eyeliner, in a hurry moment like that, I saw a picture of mountain on my eyelids, it was horrible. I took all of my 'make up' things, then got out of home with sully face, my father asked if I was asleep before, of course it was just a sarcastic way. I told him that I needed more time for my 'make up', he was just like giving less care and mumbled stuff like "why bother putting make up, what for, woman with make up or without make up is just the same". I was like argh! it's useless to answered, so I started erasing my eyeliner. Along the rocky road, I thought a lot, previous time, when I got home, I still didn't like putting 'make up' so I didn't need more time, but these time, I can't just leave home shabbily, I've got that sense of shame and I want to respect my self more.

Well, there were too many stories to be told here, stories I want to remember, I learned a lot last time I was home. When I kissed that old man before leaving home for another year, I talk to him in my heart, "dad, I might not be anyone now, but I'm sure that I'm not stubborn for no reason, I promise to understand you better in the future".

Ah, I write for this long, once I read this again, I miss my father more. I love him unconditionally.

Polka Dot Hand

I was once tricked by my students. In my class, no matter how young the kids are, I force them to speak always english, I open jakarta Corner (a corner where they can speak a word in indonesian for maximum 5 minutes), I also apply the “tick” method, when a kid says indonesian word, I’ll give a “tick” on their hand using my marker, it also applies on me, wheh then asks me a word, I must explain slowly with more simple language, when they don’t get it and I have no choice but tell them the indonesian word, each of them may give me “tick” too. somehow, it works.

So this is a class with 5 kids. In that class speaking in indonesian is counted as a very big mistake, the same like killing people. Sumtimes when they forgot, they’ll speak in bahasa. I’ll be happy giving them a tick :D

That day I gave a tick to nia bcos she said “iya” and was caught by james that directly report to me. Rule is rule, if we want the rule to be well implemented, we have to be serious. After nia, several students got ticks too. Then while doing their writing task, I saw them discussing sumthing, I thought it was about the lesson, then they all came to me.

“Ms we want to ask u, we don’t know how to read this in english” they showed me the book. Its written “motorcycle”. Then I started reading. As I started reading “motor..”, james closed the “cycle” part with his palm, I stopped, confused for sum seconds until I heard shouting. They’re all shouting happily, “ms widaaaa speak bahasaaa, ms speak bahasaaa”. I realized, they tricked me to say ‘motor’ which is only bahasa for them! I actually wanted to defend myself but I couldn’t stand looking at their happy face, then I finally allowed them to give me ticks, that was really your lucky day, kids :)

polka dot hand 

About Ella

When I first taught last year, I did an observation to a class for 6-7yo kids, there were 4 students, 2 girls and 2 boys. One of the girl was Ella, the principal and the teacher there said that she was 'different', she almost never spoke anything in class. That time when I came to that class, she was even making weird acts. She kept sitting on the floor under her desk. Her room's teacher had already asked her to sit properly but it was useless, she had no response. When other students played game, she was silent persistently in her position. She didn't make messy face, she smiled, but she just didn't care about those things. Later during the observation evaluation with the principal, I was explained that students like Ella did exist. She's eager to learn but she had her own way. Well, if that's the case, I felt relief.
Some days of observation had passed. One day, I was given a chance to give Ella a make up lesson, a lesson for student that miss a class. We were sitting quietly in Bristol (name of the room) when I started my presentation about material that she missed. She was good that time. She paid attention to me. When I asked her to do the practices, she just nodded her head and did it. That lesson went well, but I just had a feeling "this is not right". A kid should talk much at her age. I asked her some question like things she like, but as expected, no response. I tried other questions but they didn't work either. I almost gave up until I saw her bag, it was tinker bell patterned. I pointed at it and said "I know that pretty fairy, it is tink", she smiled brightly and nodded her head then she mumbled something. I asked, "do you watch the cartoon? it is good", I could see that she became interested as she said "yes" directly.
I was having butterfly in my stomach, I wanted to scream, "I got youu kid!", but then I laughed realizing that I didn't even play any games with her from the start. During the practice, she needed her eraser, she didn't have it in her pencil case, "my eraser is in my x (mentioned name of another english course) bag downstairs", she explained. I was a bit confused, but I told her to stay there, then I went downstairs to the receptionist table, she said, "miss, ini tas x-nya ella miss, dia ambil les bahasa inggris dua, di sini satu sama di x satu, tadi dia dari jam 1 sampe jam 3 di x, langsung nyambung di sini". I was shocked. Ella? a 6yo kid took 2 english courses, I thought it was too much. I pitied kids these days.
After finishing workbook, I asked her about plan for the upcoming weekend (saturday is the next day after that day), she whispered telling me, "I can not go tomorrow, I have clay course from morning to afternoon", I responded spontaneously, "hey! tomorrow's saturday", she whispered quieter, "yes, but I have class, I can not go there from sunday to friday, I have other courses too". I was surprised, she was just 6yo and she looked busier than 23yo someone like me, I knew that after she mentioned many courses she took. "is that fun, your clay class?", I asked her. "yes, I already make two, I have mouse and duck, I want to bring here but can not...". She mumbled more, I was touched, not only because of her story but also because it was the first time I saw her speaking like other kid, although it was more like mumbling and whispering, I would like to scream, "I hear you", but I knew it would scare her so I decided to put my best smile and tried to give my best responses. She told me many things, "I am moving school next month", I became curious, "why? are you moving home too?", she didn't answer me, she took her book, write a school name next to another school name, then she wrote some explanation. I could hardly understood that it was like"no, mommy says my school now is not good, it is international school but still not good, my new school is better..." She continued telling things by writing things that turned out to be hard to understand by my old school mind, I did think that kids, they needed time to play too, why didn't we just let them develop in easy way. I fell in love with her that day, no matter how different she was.
After some days, I had a chance to teach her class, that time, while preparing the warmer session, I prayed to God that she would join. I hold her little hand and invite her. She stood with her friends full of doubt. I looked at her, wished that she could read my mind "you'll be okay kid!". I was fully happy when she could say the game password, "bingo!", although it was with a very low voice, I could hear her it was really satisfying.
Well, I could say that Ella was the first student that impressed me there. It could be true that there are many Ellas around, but what I think, maybe, if she could, she would like to say this (I thought of this at that time):
"I know I'm quiet student, I know I'm different than others, I know I don't talk much and sometimes I act weird, but instead of leaving me in my own world, PLEASE PUT MORE EFFORT IN ME..."
Since then I promise myself, I won't ignore any Ella, I'm going to do my best try for silent students like Ella, no matter how long it takes.

Us and Our Belgian Friends (some impressing stories)

Deloitte, they call me ms.cherry on my 1st day :D

Setelah pulang dari Pertamina, kami menuju Deloitte, kantor yang memfasilitasi mahasiswa-mahasiswa belgia itu selama di Indonesia. Kantor Deloitte ini ada di lantai 12 Wisma Nusantara. Saya bisa masuk dengan leluasa karena bersama Kevin.sampai di lantai 12, seorang mbak yang sangat ramah menyambut di meja resepsionis, kami berdua balas senyum dan menuju ruangan. Jujur saya degdegan lagi karena saya akan bekerja satu ruangan dengan teman-teman saya dan hampir semua mahasiswa belgia itu. Saya mengambil posisi duduk pas di sebelah kiri Kevin dan di sebelah kiri saya ada Pierre-Olivier (PO), partner dina. Saya melontarkan senyum membalas senyum PO. Sementara Kevin menyiapkan laptop, saya melirik ke sebelah kanan Kevin, ada anthony, partner Ajay, memakai kemeja berwarna ungu manis sekali, saya ampe inget ampe sekarang warnanya, hehe.. dan sama seperti ritual dengan yang lain saya melontarkan senyum membalas senyum anthony. Kemudian saya memandang ke depan, dan si Yasir sudah tersenyum, lagi-lagi saya balas dengan kikuk, di sebelah Yasir, ada Laia yang juga senyum ke saya, sementara Debo, partnernya sedang sibuk menelepon.

Laptop Kevin sudah siap.

Kevin: well, today I need you to help me making some phonecalls to some company, since not all the operator could speak english properly. You may tell them that you’re calling representing me, Kevin Missoorten, and I’m from hydrogenics, a company in Belgium that basically produce hydrogen instalation. I’m here to collect all the information related to hydrogen use in some industries in Indonesia, how do they get it, where do they buy the instalation, how’s the pressure and purity, blablabla... Do you understand?

Me: (Takjub) Ohk..okay I understand, I’m wida calling representing Kevin em..emm.. miss.. (saya nyengir lupa nama lengkap Kevin)

Kevin: That’s okay, my name is not a usual name for you so a bit hard to remember, this, you can have my namecard so you can easily call everyone. Well, you can start, but if you need to wite something first, that’s okay, thankyou so much

Setelah itu saya mulai mengingat instruksi kevin, mencatat di kertas dan menatap lists perusahaan-perusahaan yang harus ditelepon, dan mulai menelepon. Setelah itu ternyata ada beberapa perusahaan yang meminta fax resmi dari Kevin, jadilah kami membuat draft, mengeprint dan kemudian menuju ke resepsionis, karena di ruangan kami tidak ada mesih fax. Kevin yang pertama berbicara, tetapi si mbak panik dan bilang kurang mengerti, jadilah saya jelaskan maksud kami.

Saya: Mbak ini, namanya Kevin, dia mau numpang kirim fax mbak, bisa dibantu?

Mbak: Oh, gituu, oke deh, bentar ya saya telpon bagian yang lagi kosong dulu yaa, duduk aja dulu di situ ya..

Si mbak menelepon dan kemudian meminta kami mengikutinya. Di jalan, si mbak tanya-tanya soal Kevin.

Mbak: mbak si kevin umurnya berapa sih?

Saya: 22 masuk 23 mbak, kenapa? Naksir ya? Hehehe

Mbak: Wah brondong bok, ganteng ya bule-bule Belgia ini, hehehe..

Saya: SI mbak bisaan ya liat yang bening-bening, hahaha

Setelah itu saya dan si mbak ketawa bareng dan kevin dengan pandangan penuh tanya Cuma senyum. Kami tiba di ruangan yang isinya mesin fax dengan bapak-bapak gendut sebagai operatornya.

Mbak: Pak X (saya lupa namanya), ini ada brondong sama mbak cherry mau numpang nge-fax boleh ya pak? (saya melotot, dalam hati menggumam, nama saya wida, buka cherry)

Bapak: (menatap ke arah Kevin) she said you are ‘brondong’ mister, what can I do?

Kevin: be..brrrondong.. er.. (menatap saya dengan bingung), what is that wida?

Saya: eng.. it’s an idiom, er.. it means that you’re young man (nyengir)

Kevin: (muka masih bingung) oh.. okay

Setelah selesai ritual kirim fax, kami kembali ke ruangan, sebelum itu si mbak sempet-sempetnya

Mbak: Mbak cherry nanti kalo butuh bantuan bilang aja ya *nyengir

Saya Cuma mengangguk dan menutup pintu ruangan. Sejak itu sampai beberapa hari berikutnya si mbak tetap memanggil saya cherry dan saya Cuma bisa menghela nafas. Saya akhirnya menyadari kenapa si mbak kekeuh manggil saya mbak cherry, karena di hari pertama saya di Deloitte, saya make kemeja dan jilbab berwarna peach terang, ealaahh... saya pun tahu si mbak itu bernama mbak endang saat di hari ke dua atau ke tiga, ketika itu saya sedang bekerja untuk Kevin, kami lagi-lagi merepotkan si mbak minta bantuan mengirim fax.

Kevin: Wida, do you know who is she? I mean what’s her name? That woman in the receptionist desk?

Saya: Mbak endang, why? Do you need anything?

Kevin: er.. embagh endhang.. I’ll try to remember her, she always helps me

Saya: Yes, you should be really thankful to her, she’s been helping us much

Kevin: Okay, em..embagh endhang (mengeja dengan susah payah).

Setelah itu, ketika kami lagi-lagi dibantu mbak endang, kevin dengan lancar bilang “tcherimakasih embagh endhang”, dan mbak endang yang kaget karena Kevin tau namanya Cuma nyengir dengan wajah bersemu merah, wow! western guys are really sweet :)

Cerita di Suatu Hari

Pagi yang cerah, saya naik kereta dari stasiun mangga besar dan berhenti di Gondangdia. Masih banyak waktu untuk memutuskan berjalan kaki menyusuri jalan wahid hasyim. Saya tetap datang lebih awal ke Akmani, menyusuri jalanan sabang mengikuti Kevin yang seperti biasa masih membenahi lengan kemejanya. Di depan Holland Bakery, Kevin berhenti melangkah, seperti mengingat sesuatu.

Kevin: I forgot my ID card, do you think they’ll let me in?

Saya: Mm.. not so sure but since we’re just a few steps closer, we might try first

Dan kami pun tetap menuju Deloitte. Saya yakin seyakinnya Kevin boleh masuk wisma nusantara,er.. karena dia bule. Dan benar saja, kami bebas melenggang. Coba kalo saya yang sendirian ga punya ID, interogasinya bisa panjang, hehe..

Di lantai 12 wisma nusantara, saya mulai membuka laptop, memeriksa agenda untuk hari itu, dan mereview pekerjaan terakhir sementara Kevin seperti biasa membuat teh panas sambil berteriak kecil menawarkan saya teh, awalnya saya menolak, masa iya dibuatin teh sama bos, lagian saya bisa bikin sendiri, tetapi kevin terus bilang “I saw you made your tea, if you want some tea too, let me make it, thats really okay” dan suatu hari Laia yang kebetulan ada si satu shift dengan kami bilang sambil ketawa “hey wida, if you want some tea, let him make it, its a good service”, pada akhirnya saya nyerah, dan seterusnya Kevin bertugas membuatkan teh, lalu nanya “do you want sugar? No?” dan saya sambil nyiapin kerjaan hari itu akan teriak “yes, two blocks of sugar please, thankyou kev”, yaa, kedengeran seperti interpreter yang gatau diri kan, hahaha :D

Hari itu mood kami sedang bagus, kami baru saja mendapatkan kontak-kontak perusahaan flat glass manufacturers, yang berarti bisa kami hubungi. Saya mulai menelepon satu persatu dari pagi, dan... dan..... hingga jam makan siang pun, nggak ada satu kontak yang sesuai dengan harapan, ternyata itu adalah perusahaan dari industri glass manufacturer, bukan flat glass manufacturers. Saya setenganya kesal juga sama asosiasi perusahaan-perusahaan itu, masa ngasih data yang nggak relevan. Kevin udah kesel, pas kontak terakhir, dia nanya ke saya dan saya jawab dengan pasrah bahwa kontak terakhir pun nggak relevan. Saya meminta maaf ke Kevin dan menyampaikan rasa prihatin saya nggak bisa menghasilkan apa-apa hari itu. Kevin menggigit-gigit kuku, kemudian tersenyum, “no, its not your fault, you’ve done the best, we’ll continue after lunch, ok”, saya pun menjawab, “but I do feel uneasy about nothing resulted from our first shift work”, Kevin kemudian duduk tenang sambil membereskan laptopnya, “well, I have another dutch proverb for you. You’ve called many companies, yet you got nothing, but you know you have to try again, if you give up, you already have a NO answer, and do you still remember the last proverb I’ve given to you? The last man standing wins, it’s simple rule like when you’re in a marathon competition, you have to keep running til the end, when everyone starts to tirely stopped, you have to keep going, wherever the last man standing always wins, so, semanghaat!”. Kevin tersenyum mengakhiri dengan semangat (semangat adalah kata-kata favorit kevin setelah saya kasih tau “it’s the word to give someone spirits”, dan Kevin selalu mengulang kata itu), menutup tasnya, mengambil handphone, menelepon seseorang namun tampak tidak ada jawaban, Kevin keluar, kemudian masuk lagi, “Hey wida, lets have lunch then we’ll have new energy to find another strategy”. Saya Cuma jawab ok dan senyum.

Kevin ke luar ruangan duluan, sebelum saya menyusul, dityo, teman saya yang juga ada shift bareng kami, menghampiri saya, “wid, lo tau nggak barusan si kevin abis nelpon ke luar, gigit kuku dan mengumpat ‘FAK!’, hahaha, abis itu masuk dan baru ngomongin strategi baru itu ke elo”. Saya pun nggak bisa menahan tawa, tetapi dalam hati saya bersyukur, Kevin nggak pernah mengumpat di depan saya sekesel apa pu dia sama birokrasi indonesia. Dia menghargai saya, menghargai budaya Indonesia yang (seharusnya) nggak biasa mengumpat kasar dan saat itu saya berjanji, for the sake of peaceful world, I’ll always respect everyone’s culture.

Us and Our Belgian Friends (What is actually a big issue?)

What is actually a big issue?
One day I had to accompany Jerina having a meeting with a big publishing company. The meeting took place at the office of that company. It’s not so far from Deloitte Office but still, unpredictable traffic jam made us stucked in the taxi for more than an half hour. I felt really tired of traffic jam, espesially since I had to worked for 7 to 7 almost everyday, but in other side, I loved it for giving me more time to talk personally with my partner. Like what happened that time. Me and Jerina, we were talking about many different situations of our each country. Our conversation started with Jerina that told me that she sent her picture with me to her boyfriend. She said that she talked about me much to his boyfriend so his boyfriend said that it would be really nice if I could come to Belgium or France and spend sometime there with them.

Jerina: You know, you really have to come to europe.. I’ll show you good place in Belgium, or we can even go to paris, where my boyfriend is now..

Me: I’d really love to Jerina, someday I’ll come... but please tell me, is it okay for someone like me, who wears hijab, to be there? I just want to make sure since here’s a belgian with me

Jerina: Of course it’s totally okay, nothing’s wrong with your er..jihab.. (its hard for her to mention hijab, hehe). You know, even in my university, there are many, yea, not much, but there’re people who wear er.. hibab.. (I’m laughing because she didnt mention it right), ah again I already forgot how it spell (I tell her the right spell), yea, hijab.. some moslem students from different country wore that in university in brussel and it’s not a big issue for us, we’re all adult, right?

Me: you know, I’m so glad hearing that news from you, because for some people, hijab’s still a matter.

Jerina: For adult in our country, I don’t think it’s an issue, but for children, we have a regulation. You can’t wear that er.. hibab..hijab.. We have a complicated experience with hijab in school. There was a moslem kid who wore hijab to public school. For most children, it’s really uncommon. And because they’re kids, they thought it was a trend. Every kid started to pursue their parents to let them wearing hijab too.. it was a hard time, yea.. you know.. it’s complicated, it’s not that kid wearing that for religion understanding because other kids that are not moslem started thinking that it was a trend.. yea, um.. it’s so much complicated but trust me its not an issue for adult..

Me: Oh, I see.. I can understand that complicated matter, Jerina, thankyou for telling me, I’m doing my best for my europe resolution

Jerina: Great! I will also show you our beach, it’s nothing compared to beaches here wida..

Me: Wow! Really? I’ll be glad to.. but is it okay to not wearing bikini to the beach there? Yea, I mean, will I look weird?

Jerina: Um.. no, you won’t look weird. You still can go to the beach with a full covered beach cloth, it’s okay, but, yea.. there’ll be just someone who will stare at you for some seconds and then it’s not a matter at all.

Me: Okay then, I do hope I could visit your country..

Then we continued talking until we reached the place we were aiming for. Since it’s one of the biggest publishing company in Indonesia, the office looks really nice. Everyone there was proffesional. I loved being there. While waiting for them preparing the meeting, I even talked to Jerina that if there’s any chance, I wanted to work there.

Well, finally we’re on our meeting with a promotion staff, young nice smart lady was serving us. Jerina presented her company profile and told her company’s offer. That young lady seriously listened to her. In some part they couldn’t understand each other, I would be very happy to connect them. After about an hour, we’re finally done. Each of us was given a cup of nice tea. While enjoying our cup, we talked about everything. That young lady also asked about my education background. I told her about my latest tittle, my 1 month interpreter work, and also my goal to get a fix job soon. Suddenly, Jerina promoted me to the lady from the company. I was a bit shocked.

Jerina: Well, miss, you know, this girl, wida, she’s actually not my interpreter. She’s more like teammate for me, she’s done really well with every job. She’s a good person. Is there any possibilities for someone like her working here?

Young Lady: Um.. of course everyone can work here. But you know, here, we have a policy too..

Jerina: but what? I mean what policy?

Young Lady: It’s actually not my right to say this but since we’re all here talking together, and I know you both are nice, I tell you.. for someone like her, who wears hijab, it will be useless to apply for some position here. Here’s a policy that someone like wida can not join our company.

Jerina: (surprised) What??? Why??? Isn’t it weird??? You also wear er..hijab.. and yet you still work here, so what’s the matter with her? (aiming at me)

Young Lady: Yea, as I told you before, this will be hard to explain, miss. When I first worked here, I didn’t wear hijab, and if now I’m wearing it, it’s not a problem. And it’s absolutely different situation for her.

Jerina: wh.. why... I still don’t understand...

Young Lady: I don’t know. If I’m the one who make the decision, I’d be glad to work with someone like her but, yea, I’m just a staff here.. I’m not frightening her, if she wants to try, please, we’re welcoming every applicant but it will be just useless.. I’m sorry to say..

Jerina: hm.. I’m now confuse..

Me: Jerina, I think I’m quite understanding. You have to know that some company have a different policies and it is really okay with me.

Jerina: I thought.. but.. oh okay.. great...

After that meeting, Jerina still talked to me about the things we talked before with the young lady from the company.

Jerina: I really don’t understand, wida.. I’ve read in many sources that your country is the biggest moslems country in this world. You know, I thought that little thing shouldn’t be a matter here. While we’re in belgium were feeling okay, why a hijab should be an issue here? I don’t get it. You know, you might not work there, but trust me, you’ll gonna find a job that suit you well and has no matter with your er..hijab.

Well, Jerina, I do hope so...

Ps: I didn’t record our conversation and it might not be exactly the same with that but so far I could remember that was how we talk.

tons of unspoken words make you feel dizzy

tons of action you think of but you never did make you sick

you stay on a dream then you failed

you have your passion then you got blind

everybody rises, everybody falls

situation changes in a blink of an eye

do you always need any reasons to be sad?

do you always have any problems to be mad?

you see 'giving up' as a choice, seems like its the last option..

you remember everyone you love

it really hurts watching people making fun of them

and then you stand as a glass

you spend your day talking to the night

fake smiling to the sun

sometimes everything's just too way complicated

you wish you just had to run then reached the 'finish' line

but then you wake up in a lost place

should you believe in a miracle?

sorry for keeping a 'thorn'

i know how hard she's struggling

i listen to every sad story she told

and i'm amazed by everything she's still relieved of

for the unspoken words, for the things you wish you've done, for your lost passion, and for everyone you love, be strong...

for the greatest woman on earth, i know how you feel, yet you're still giving her best support and effort, someday i'll make them 'see' you again, i'll get the time erased your pain

god, i know you're there, i know you know what i want you to know

lend me your hand to walk through these all :)

Us and Our Belgian Friends (Pre-Part)

Dear all fellas..
akhirnya aku mampir ke blogspooooot!
ceritanya selama bulan maret kemaren aku main kantor-kantoran di jakarta, sebuuk jadi saya nggak sempet post apa-apa di sini.
Semua bermula dari pesan dari brussels yang aku terima Desember tahun lalu. Suaminya sepupuku, biasa aku panggil mastom, menawarkan kerjaan jadi interpreter buat bulan maret 2011. Ah masih lamaa, pikirku waktu itu. Lagian kan bisa aja batal, lagian emang aku bisa gitu dikasi tanggung jawab segede itu? *kebanyakan lagian.
Jadi waktu itu mastom ngabarin kalo akan ada 30an mahasiswa S2 dari belgia yang datang ke Indonesia dalam rangka Trade Mission, semacam mereka punya tugas akhir praktikum, riset ke negara berkembang, tahun ini Indonesia lah tujuannya. Mereka butuh 10 interpreter dan minta tolong mastom yang nyariin, dan kemudian mastom minta aku yang nyariin.
Seneng sih, waktu itu aku sampe loncat-loncat baca messagenya, tapii lebih ke deg-degan dan antara percaya nggak percaya, jadinya yauwis nggak terlalu mikirin.
Pas Janusari mastom pulang ke Indonesia, hal pertama yang ditanya adalah "gimana wit, udah dapet 10 orangnya?", aku sampe keselek rasanya ngunyah belgian chocolate oleh-oleh. Lalu panik, siapakah 9 orang sisanyaaa?. Clue dari mastom: "siapa aja yang bahasa inggrisnya bagus dan pembawaannya bagus" -_-'' nggak memudahkan sih.
Malemnya saya mantengin komputer berharap dapet ilham siapakah 9 orang ini. Anak HI mah bahasa inggrisnya insyaAllah bagus, soalnya pengaruh buku bacaan yang banyakan berbahasa inggris, tapi yaa, kalo ngomong kan nggak semuanya pernah kedengeran ngomong bahasa inggris, terus kalo yang pembawaannya bagus itu relatif. Makinlah saya fokus di depan monitor. Akhirnya setelah online YM, Facebook, stalking sana sini, ngandelin ingatan jaman ospek, seminar-seminar berbahasa inggris dan pergaulan selama 4 tahun, dan beberapa ada juga yang pas kebetulan nemu lagi online, terpilihlah 9 orang yang beruntung, Icca, Dina, Didi, Dityo, Amjad, Ajay, Aji, Bamby, sam Debo.

Ini photo dengan personel hampir lengkap, minus didi sayangnya..

Tanggal 5 maret adalah tanggal penting dalam proyek ini, aku sama mastom pertama kalinya bertemu langsung dengan mahasiswa-mahasiswa belgia itu. Mereka stay sebulan di hotel akmani, di belakang sarinah. Di parkiran saya udah pucet, lemes, keringet dingin, pokoknya udah lengkap nervousnya. Aku takutnya malu-maluin mastom, takut nggak ngerti mereka ngomong apa.
Dengan kaki agak goyah aku ngikutin mastom jalan ke lobby hotel akmani.
"Hello, nugroho, nice to meet you..."
"Hi, Jerina, nice to meet you too... how's indonesia, bla bla bla..."
tiba-tiba kami bertemu dengan sekitar 6 bule, mereka menyapa mastom, tanya-tanya kabar, dan selanjutnya semua macam dengungan buat saya, saya terlalu guguuup sampai ada tangan menjulur di depan perut saya, itu pastinya bukan tangan monster, soalnya abis itu ada yang ngomong, "Hi, so you're wida rite? its really nice to finally meet you here, I heard about you from nugroho (sweetsmile)", saya gelagapan nyambut tangan yang ternyata punya Jerina, "em.. em.. me too, its.......", belum selesai saya ngejawab jerina ada tangan-tangan lain, dan ada suara-suara "Hi, wida, I'm cedric, nice to meet you..", "Hello wida, I'm Jan, nice to meet you.." dan banyak suara-suara lain macam mendengung. PLAK! saya tepok jidat (tapi cm dalam bayangan), itu bukan dengungan wiiwiiit, itu bule-bulenya ngomong pake logat belanda sama perancis! begitu otak sadar, langsunglah semua sistem beradaptasi, bekerjasama menangkap setiap omongan mereka. Awalnya seperti main tennis dengan banyak bola yang nggak berhenti dilemparin ke kita, tapi alhamdulilah kebegoan saya hanya bertahan sekitar 15 menit awal pas haha hihi kenalan dan basa basi. Setelah itu saya bisa lebih rileks dan mulai bisa ngobrol normal sama mereka, kami ngomongin masalah tugas-tugas dan pembagian interpreter yang 10 orang dengan mahasiswa yang jumlahnya 19 orang. Nggak sampe sejam meeting itu beres. Kami janjian sorenya kumpul dengan semua interpreter di KFC Cikini, terus bule-bule ini ditawarin sama mastom, kali aja mau ikut.
mastom: "well, if you have time, please join us, all the interpreter will come"
Jerina: "Wow! thats good idea, some of us have nothing to do this afternoon, we might come. Please write the address here (ngasih kertas sama pulpen)
Mastom kemudian nulisin alamatnya KFC Cikini
Jerina: "er.. what is KFC actually?"
Mastom: "its kentucky fried chicken, a fastfood restaurant"
Tiba-tiba mereka langsung pasang muka kaget.
Jerina: "So, you'll have a meeting in a fastfood restaurant? you sure?"
Mastom: "Yes, its common here, besides the place is cozy too"
Bule-bule itu ngangguk-ngangguk tapi masih muka bingung.
Saya keluar akmani dengan wajah cerah ngerasa lebih PD. Sepanjang jalan ke KFC, mastom menjelaskan kenapa mereka bingung. Di Brussels, yang namanya restoran fastfood itu pintunya banyak, yang makan di sana juga orang yang emang buru-buru, mau kerja atau apalah yang butuh cepet-cepet, nggak kayak di indonesia, KFC buat rapat, buat nongkrong, hehe..
Akhirnya kami kumpul di KFC, mahasiswa belgia yang dateng bertambah beberapa orang. Kami mengobrol kenalan haha hihi. Hari pertama itu, mereka masih kaku, bgitu pun kami.
Setelah melalui proses panjang, maka diputuskanlah saya akan bekerja dengan Kevin dan Jerina.
Bersambung...

ps: pas saya baca ulang, saya agak keselek karena saya nggak konsisten pake saya pake aku, tapi udah males ngganti, saya lebih suka pake aku sebenernya, tapi yasudahlah...

Slow dance

I was just watching a japanese drama, 'slow dance', and I found something interesting. Afterall,

"If you don't want to end up all alone, you should be more dependent on someone, in other words, you should depend on someone, more..."
Being more dependent on someone doesn't mean that you are weak but it will make that 'someone' felt that he/she is reliable and valued because we need him/her. Most important, you'll be a lot stronger than before.

I found this picture of me and one of my friends, thought it's relevant with my post :D

Oleh-Oleh Dari Tipar

Tanggal 24 lalu, saya berkunjung ke Tipar, sebuah dusun terpencil di Purwokerto bersama Ibu, Bapak, 2 adik saya, dan Bibi Yah. Tipar adalah dusun di mana bapak lahir dan dibesarkan. TErakhir kali saya ke sana adalah 17 tahun lalu ketika saya masih TK. DAri Purwokerto kota, dibutuhkan waktu sekitar 1 jam menuju Tipar (kalo ngebut). Saya hanya mengingat samar-samar tentang Tipar 17 tahun lalu sehingga ketika mobil mulai memasuki daerah Rawalo, saya tidak bisa menebak bahwa kami telah masuk ke persimpangan menuju Tipar. Jalan awal ke sana sudah diaspal. Lurus dan tidak luas. Sepanjang jalan, kami disuguhi pemandangan sawah-sawah yang baru saja dipanen (bahasa jawanya panen padi itu "nderep"). Bapak tidak hentinya bercerita, menunjuk-nunjuk ke persawahan dan gunung di sekitar kami, bernostalgia "dulu bapak sama makwo (nenek saya) pernah jalan mengelilingi gunung itu, di jalan bapak haus lalu dibelikan banyu asem sama makwo...", "dulu bapak sering main sepeda di sawah itu, jalan aspal ini belum ada..", "Nah! liat jembatan itu, dulu itu tempat bapak main, bapak masih inget banget...". Mobil melaju luruuuus dan jauh diiringi cerita bapak, sampai kemudian kami tiba pada jalan-jalan yang sangat kecil dan keropos, yang kemudian bercabang pada ujungnya. Mobil mengambil sisi kiri, memasuki jalan becek, licin dan tidak beraspal. Kiri kanan kami dipenuhi "alas" (hutan). Akhirnyaa, mobil berhenti di depan sebuah rumah yang dindingnya dominan kayu dan anyaman bambu. Ah ya! saya ingat, itu rumah yang 17 tahun lalu saya datangi.. Saya melirik ponsel saya, no signal. Senang sekali mendapati saya bisa berada di rumah itu lagi, dengan bapak dan ibu. Peluk cium dari Mbah (adik kakek saya) dan uwa menyambut kami. Bapak kelihatan senang sekali setelah 17 tahun tidak kembali ke kampung halamannya. Rumah Mbah masih sama, lantainya tetap tanah, bedanya mbah sudah punya kamar mandi, kami tidak perlu mandi ke sungai. Kamar mandi itu adalah sebuah bak yang dialiri air dari gunung. Sayangnya Mbah tidak punya WC, kami harus ke Masjid di bukit untuk buang air besar (karena saya nggak mau bab di sungai, hehe). Kami tiba saat sendekala (waktu magrib). Malamnya, banyak sekali saudara berdatangan mendengar kabar kedatangan kami. kami bersalaman, dan rata-rata uwa dan mbah pasti bilang begini ke saya "njenengan sapa? njenengan anake rasim mbok? MasyaAlloh, wiwit, wis gedi pisan, mbiyen pas teka agi cilik-cilik banget..". Tidak sedikit uwa yang menangis haru masih bisa bertemu kami. Setelah 17 tahun, banyak keluarga di Jawa yang sudah meninggal, begitupun di Bengkulu, mengharukan sekali malam berbagi cerita itu.
Berpuluh tahun lalu (saya lupa tepatnya), Pakwo (kakek saya, ayah bapak), memutuskan untuk mencari peruntungan ke Sumatera bersama beberapa saudaranya. Sejak itulah keluarga Pakwo terpisah dan jarang sekali berkumpul. Saya sangat bersyukur pakwo memutuskan untuk pindah ke Sumatera. Kami sekarang hidup sangat nyaman di sana. Dan kehidupan kami di sana sudah cukup maju. Sejujurnya saya sedih melihat keadaan Tipar yang tidak jauh berbeda dengan 17 tahun lalu. Tidak banyak kemajuan yang berarti. Pemikiran keluarga bapak di sana masih sama. Membesarkan anak, kemudian di umur belasan tahun dinikahkan. Saya sangat sedih ketika seorang uwa bilang "njenengan mbok urung kawin? arep nunggu apa?" atau "lah arep ngapa kuliah, susah-susah, andon ngentekke duit mbok". Seumuran saya di sana jarang sekali yang belum menikah.
Di sana, kebanyakan orang hebat adalah orang yang rumahnya berlantai keramik, punya banyak sawah, dan ukuran-ukuran lain yang menyangkut materi. Menurut bapak Tipar agak susah maju karena orang-orangnya masih banyak yang berpola pikir jaman dulu. Saya hanya mengiyakan. sampai di hari ke dua, saya takjub sendiri. HAri itu kami berencana ziarah. Saya bangun kesiangan, ketika bangun, orang-orang sedang sibuk membicarakan perihal ibu yang tidak boleh ikut ziarah.
mbah: "sing olih maring kuburan bapake wae, mbakayu ne ora usah melu"
bapak: "lah, ngapa toh yung?"
mbah: "mbok mbakayu ne priyayi, priyayi ora olih maring kuburan"
bapak tersenyum menahan tawa. Ibu saya tidak diperbolehkan ziarah ke kuburan karena ibu adalah PNS, kalo jaman dulu, pegawai adalah priyayi, abdi belanda. Mbah kemudian mendengarkan penjelasan bapak, tetapi masih agak kekeuh bahwa ibu dan kami (yang dianggap anak priyayi) nggak boleh ikut ziarah. Pada akhirnya memang cuma bapak yang berangkat.
Ah pokoknya banyak pengalaman baru di Tipar. Saya merasa sangat nyaman tinggal di rumah mbah meskipun listrik dan sinyal terbatas.
Dan ini adalah oleh-oleh dari Tipar...

Di Tipar sedang musim panen





Suasana di sekitar rumah mbah


Makanan-makanan sederhana tapi enak di Tipar :)

Sebelum pulang, berpoto bersama keluarga mbah, Semoga kami masih bisa bertemu lagi lain kali, amin.

Ganbatte Ne~

Ketika saya membuka dashboard blogger pagi ini, saya berdoa untuk tidak berakhir seperti kemarin-kemarin, berakhir dengan satu dua kata yang terlantar.
Ada begitu banyak hal yang muncul di pikiran saya, tapi tidak ada satu pun yang selesai tertulis. Saya merasa ada yang berubah. Dulu saya menulis apa pun untuk merasa lebih baik, tapi sekarang jika saya merasa kurang baik, kemudian menulis di sini, it ended disgusting me.
Saya sedang mengalami fase yang jauh berbeda dengan fase-fase yang pernah saya alami di 22 tahun hidup saya. Entahlah, begitu banyak hal yang terlintas, yang membuat malam-malam saya berakhir tanpa tidur, yang membuat saya seringkali lupa atas apa yang sedang saya lakukan, dan membuat saya merasa pada sepersekian detik saya adalah zombie, saya tidak bisa merasakan apa-apa, karena saya bingung. Well, this not as easy as I thought first. I'm feeling and thinking about future (now this sounds so scary), about to live on my own, about survival,, about passion and people expectation, about dream and reality.. Aah, those complicated things are mingling in my mind. Pernah tidak ketika benapas, kamu merasa seperti ada pasir di dada, nyesek, hehe.. dan itulah yang sering terjadi akhir-akhir ini. Haha, I guess this will end as sickening post. Ganbarimasuuu!!!

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
(Vitamin C-Graduation)

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And i can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before and it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find I
Should be the one behind the wheel
(Incubus-Drive)

It's been three weeks, since I got a decent sleep
I've a restless head and an empty bed, these dreams are killing me so,
I keep on walking til the sun comes up
(Scouting for Girls-Keep on Walking)

Wanna feel the warm breeze; Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean; Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away and breakaway
(Kelly Clarkson-Breakaway)

No you're not defeated
And soon you'll be smiling once again
Then you won't have to feel it
Let it go with the wind
Time passes us by
And know that you're allowed to cry
(Delta Goodrem-Be Strong)

Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test and don't ask why.
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
(Greenday-Time of Your Life)

I Want to Grow Up

Peter Pan, Who doesnt love this sweet kiddo ;)

Suatu hari saya, bapak dan adek kedua saya pergi ke gramedia bersama. Di suatu sudut rak buku, saya menemukan sebuah buku yang hingga saat ini menjadi buku yang paling saya sayang, "Peter Pan, Return to Neverland".
Setelah membaca buku itu, saya jatuh cinta sama peter pan. JM. Barry menurut saya adalah orang yang sangat jenius bisa menciptakan karakter seperti pan. Orang seumuran saya waktu itu kebanyakan berpikir untuk menjadi peter pan, "saya ingin menjadi anak-anak selamanya!" atau "menjadi dewasa itu rumit!".
Jika suatu hari nanti ditemukan mesin waktu, saya mau kembali ke tahun 90an. Saya ingin kembali ke rumah pertama yang saya kenal, rumah tua dari kayu dua lantai. Saya ingin kembali duduk di ruang tengah bersama bapak tepat jam 9 malam, setlah dipaksa sikat gigi dan cuci kaki, menemani bapak menonton dunia dalam berita, kemudian tidur dan terbangun waktu subuh, menyapu halaman yang penuh dengan daun cermai sambil menunggu bapak pulang dari masjid dan menyapa setiap orang yang lewat. Pagi belum berakhir, saya akan melanjutkan membersihkan setiap sudut rumah kayu yang penuh kenangan itu. Ibu masih sibuk di dapur sejak dini hari, sementara bapak akan mulai kesibukannya dengan memberi makan ayam, bebek, angsa, dan burung2 merpati peliharaannya di belakang rumah, dan adik kedua saya masih lelap. Aktivitas pagi berakhir di meja makan, ritual sarapan yang wajib, kemudian kami akan berpisah hingga sore hari.
Siang hari, sekolah selesai, saya kembali ke rumah kayu itu. Melepas sepatu dan meletakkannya di tempat sepatu, mengganti pakaian sekolah, makan siang, dan kemudian istirahat. Sore hari, ketika semua sudah kembali berkumpul di rumah, saya telah mandi dan siap berangkat mengaji di masjid depan rumah. Sore berakhir, saya akan kembali dengan ruang tengah rumah kayu itu, menyelesaikan semua pekerjaan rumah, sementara adik saya sibuk bermain, bapak menunggu dunia dalam berita, dan ibu menunggui kami dengan sulaman taplak meja ataupun sarung bantal. Semua terasa sangat sempurna. Saya sangat rindu senyum bapak saat berkomentar "wah tulisan mbak wit bagus, nek wis gede ini jadi jurnalis ini..", besoknya tulisan yang dipuji itu saya bawa terus ke sekolah, tidak bosan2 saya pandangi. Saya rindu saat2 saya dan nenek membuat manisan dari buah cermai di depan rumah kayu itu. Saya rindu Ibu yang melarang saya jajan tidak sehat di warung dan rela membuatkan apa pun makanan yang saya suka. Saya rindu minggu pagi ketika bapak mematikan TV yang sedang kami tonton karena kami belum mandi, saya rindu subuh minggu, ketika saya dan teman2 kecil saya lari pagi, bersama kakak2 sekitar rumah saya, saya ingat sekali kata2 kak ferdi ketika menyemangati kami lari pagi "ayo! ayo! lari, siapa cepat dapat istirahat!", kemudian saya akan sekuat tenaga lari mengimbangi kakak kakak saya, kemudian bisa ikut mereka istirahat, tidur2an di jalan yang masih sepi saat pagi. Saya rindu bermain monopoli, boneka, kartu, ular tangga dan permainan lainnya di rumah tetangga saya, rindu membaca topeng kaca, tidur siang bersama teman2 kecil. Saya rindu saat2 libur, ikut mengantarkan makanan ke sawah nenek. Saya akan memegang botol minum, berlari2 lincah menuruni jalan setapak bertanah, kemudian digendong di pundak bapak, menyebrangi sungai untuk sampai di pondok. Saya ingat sekali suatu hari, bapak menggendong adik saya, lian, sementara saya dituntun. Kami ingin menyebrangi sungai melewati sebuah batang kelapa yang berfungsi membendung sungai. Batang kelapa itu sudah licin, kami sangat berhati2, sampai tiba2 bapak terpeleset dan saya tertarik ke daerah bendungan yang dalam. Susah payah akhirnya kami berhasil naik. sampai di pinggir kami bersama2 menertawai baju kami yang basah kuyup. Di pondok sawah nenek, saya dan lian akan bermain sambil menonton orang2 yang bekerja, lian biasanya sangat ditunggu pekerja di sawah karena lian tidak malu2 selalu menyanyikan lagu2 nike ardilla dengan suara melengking. Mereka yang melihat pasti akan tertawa terpingkal2. Saya rindu bleki, anjing tetangga yang hitam garang, saya rindu anjing pertama kami, kumir, yang adalah anak dari bleki, pemberian tetangga kami. Saya masih ingat betul kumir pertama hitam tinggi, telinganya tegak, lidahnya hitam. Setiap orang yang melihatnya pasti akan memuji betapa tampan dan sangarnya anjing kami itu. Banyak orang menawar kumir dengan harga tinggi, bapak tidak secuilpun ada niat untuk melepaskan kumir. Saya masih ingat waktu jalan2 sore, saya kecil memegang rantai kumir, berlari2 mengikuti gerakan kumir memutari sekitar rumah. Hingga suatu hari kumir tidak pulang. Kami semua cemas, tetangga2 mengerahkan tenaga mencari kumir. Kumir pertama kami tidak pernah kembali. Bapak menemukannya di rumah seorang pemburu, kata bapak kumir kurus kering, hampir gila dan tidak lagi mengenali bapak. Hancur sekali rasanya perasaan saya waktu itu, kumir adalah teman saya sehari-hari. Tidak lama kemudian, seseorang datang ke rumah kami, mengantarkan kumir kedua, seekor anjing kecil, pemalas dan manja, sangat bertolak belakang dengan kumir pertama, telinga kumir kedua ini pun tidak tegak, melainkan menutup ke dalam. Susah payah kami akhirnya juga menyayangi kumir kedua yang ternyata sangat lucu, begitulah seterusnya, kumir akan selalu bergnti di rumah kami.
Masa kecil yang paling menyenangkan adalah ketika saya dan teman2 sekitar rumah mengaji di tempat nenek han yang lumayan jauh. Kami mengaji dari sore hingga malam. Sepanjang jalan yang kami lewati sama sekali tidak ada lampu jalan, karena itulah kami membawa obor dari rumah. Saya benar2 ingin mengulangi masa-masa pulang mengaji dengan obor menyala di tiap tangan kanan kami, ah indahnyaa, sekarang mana ada yang begitu :')
Banyak sekali hal-hal menyenangkan yang sangat indah buat saya ingat, dan jika dituliskan mungkin akan menjadi buku yang tebalnya menyaingi Harry Potter 4 :D
Well, semua periode dalam hidup saya menyenangkan dengan cara yang berbeda, tetapi masa 90an adalah masa yang paling menyenangkan buat saya, perfect timing, perfect place, perfect family, perfect friends, ah everything felt just a way too perfect that time :)
Dulu, setiap ingat masa-masa itu, saya selalu berpikir untuk tidak tumbuh dewasa, saya seandainya bisa akan memilih menjadi anak-anak selamanya.
Saya selalu berpikir bahwa peter pan sangat beruntung karena tidak pernah tumbuh dewasa, tetapi itu dulu... setelah ke sekian kalinya membaca "peter pan, return to neverland", saya sadar bahwa menjadi peter pan adalah membosankan, bahkan wendy kemudian memutuskan meninggalkan peter pan dan ingin tumbuh dewasa. Peter pan adalah figur ego saya, peter pan ditokohkan dari egoisme orang2 seperti saya dulu. Pada kenyataannya, tidak ada yang benar2 ingin menjadi anak2 selamanya.
Selama 22 tahun hidup saya, saya belajar banyak hal, dan saya sangat bersyukur diberi kesempatan tumbuh dan (menuju) dewasa. Seandainya saya adalah anak2 selamanya, saya tidak akan merasakan banyak hal. Saya memang ingin sekali kembali ke masa kecil, tapi, alasa utama saya ingin kembali adalah karena saya telah mengalami masa-masa setelah itu. Masa-masa setelahnya lah yang membuat masa kecil menjadi sangat berharga.
Saya tetap mengagumi peter pan, yang secara tidak langsung memotivasi saya untuk berkembang, untuk tidak stuck pada satu keadaan yang dianggap nyaman, seperti peter pan di neverland. Saya harus keluar, saya harus mencoba banyak hal, saya harus belajar hal-hal yang saya belum ketahui, dan pada intinya, saya HARUS tumbuh dewasa, amin..
I was once thinking to be peter pan in neverland, to live a sweet life as a kid forever, but as time goes by, life's teaching me a lot of wonderful things. And now I'm 22 and I'm glad to say that I want to GROW UP!
Once again, God, thankyou for giving me everyone and everything that make me what I am..

Happy Birthday to Me

Holaa..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Sekarang saya udah 22 tahun. Bahagia sekali rasanya desember ini, meskipun no birthday cakes, no gifts, and almost no friends, but wait, it's still 'almost'. Thank God for Hundreds of bday wishes in my facebook, for loads of messages in my phone, and for many special phonecalls from families and bestfriends.
Banyak cerita lucu ulang tahun kali ini, yang paling lucu, yang bikin ngakak, adalah teman saya anita, yang ngucapin selamat ulang tahun sebulan kecepetan. Ceritanya pas 11 November si nita ini dengan pedenya nelpon subuh2 nyanyiin lagu selamat ulang tahun, ahaha kalo inget pengen ketawa ampe nangis *gomeeen nitaa*. Nah pas 11 desember kemaren nita ngucapin lagi, terus yang bikin makin ngakak ada embel2 gini "yang jelas SAYA BANGGA menjadi yang pertama", yaiyalah sebulan yang lalu udah ngucapin duluan :)).
Terus ada lagi temen saya yang saya panggil yongjay, si yongjay ini ngucapin selamat ulang tahunnya kecepetan sehari, saya protes, terus dia dengan pedenya bilang "yaelah ultahnya 3 hari lagi kan? LEBIH CEPAT LEBIH BAIK" ahaha, saya ngakak2 juga waktu itu.
Terus ada juga yang mengharukan, ucapan selamat ulang tahun dari murid les inggris saya waktu SMA, dulu dia masih seiprit, sekarang udah jadi anak kuliahan, katanya "selamat ulang tahun my english teacher", di like pulak sama kakaknya, ah terharu banget :')
Hampir saja ulang tahun nangis2 sendirian, untung saya sadar, saya masih beruntung dengan semua yang saya dapat saat ini, sangat beruntung malah, Alhamdulilah ya Allah.. Saya sadar betul nggak boleh menuntut apa2 yang saya pengen, di umur 22 ini ketendang banget sama lirik lagu The Fray, katanya "in the end, everyone ends up alone". Karena itulah harus belajar survive sendirian, you know, you need someone to rely on, but hey, no one actually really cares. Bukannya saya mengutuk2, sama sekali tidak, itu adalah pelajaran yang sangat berharga, yang harus menunggu 22 tahun untuk saya dapatkan. And in many ways, you couldnt just expect people would think the way you think, people would do the way you do. Setiap orang punya ekspektasi, saya juga, dan nampaknya saya harus menurunkan ekspektasi2 saya untuk mencapai apa yang disebut "happiness" :).
Hari ulang tahun saya akhiri dengan sangat senang dan damai, terimakasih riyanita nitut, tetangga kamar paling jahil sedunia yang membuat saya tidak jadi sendirian. Sehabis magrib saya bingung, saya nggak mau menghabiskan hari istimewa yang setahun sekali, hanya dengan duduk diam di kamar. Dan taraaa, akhirnya nita mau menemani saya berjalan kaki mengitari nangor. Kami keluar sekitar hampir jam sembilan. Baru kali itu saya menyusuri jalan nangor dengan berjalan kaki, malam hari pula. Rasanya segar sekali. Cuaca sangat dingin waktu itu, saya pakai jaket saya paling tebal, pake kaos kaki, tidak lupa syal di leher, persis orang aneh. Saya tidak peduli tatapan2 aneh orang2 yang saya temui. Saya berharap di tengah dinginnya malam, tiba2 mulut saya mengeluarkan embun saking dinginnya, kemudian saya mengusap2 telapak tangan yang kedinginan, dan kemudian kami mampir di kedai sake, menghangatkan badan, lalu tak lupa pula memesan semangkuk mi ramen panas, ahaha.. ini adalah khayalan saya waktu itu. Pada kenyataannya, sepanjang jalan kami harus bertebal muka dari godaan pria2 gila di sepanjang jalan. Malam saya akhiri dengan seporsi sate padang, perfecto :)
Dan hey! siapa bilang nggak ada kado, Tanggal 16 Desember adalah hari yang harus tercatat di kalender hidup saya, akhirnya saya menyelesaikan ujian sidang saya dengan lancar. Kado terindah ini tidak lepas dari doa2 keluarga dan teman2, di hari ulang tahun saya, banyak sekali ucapan "sukses ya sidangnya nanti..", terimakasih ceman2 <3
22 tahun dan bisa dikatakan 'selesai' studi, saya sedang berpikir keras mau menghabiskan sisa hidup saya dengan apa untuk bisa survive, yang jelas Alhamdulilah ya Allah, thankyou for giving me everything and everyone that make me what I am now :)

Bangkok Traffic Love Story

A friend promoted me this movie some months ago, guaranteed me that I wont be bored watching this movie. At that time I was just saying 'yes, I'll go find it' but I never seriously catched for this movie. This is a Thai movie. I've watched some Thai's, but they're all horror movies. A month ago, I finally watched it. I was so surprised, that movie was extremely fresh, I laughed along most of the movie, and yet held my tears in some scenes ;)
It's fresh because of its unordinary funny and touchy scenes.
From the tittle, you absolutely find out that high possibility that this is a romantic movie. YES, this is sweet but not sickening (well, you know some romantic movies are just disgusting :D).

A quote I remembered from this movie:

Li : "How if you have a boyfriend but he's not available to eat with you? He doesnt have time to go anywhere with you. Then whats the use of having a boyfriend?"
Ped : "Li, people dont have boyfriends and girlfriends to be together at all the time. They have couple to know that there's still someone who loves them"
Haha, isnt that sweet :3
Almost in all scenes during the movie, I felt like I'm seeing so familiar lifestyle. The traffic in Bangkok was not so different with Jakarta and other cities in Indonesia. There were also public transportation by motorcycle similar with 'ojek'. People there watched dramas on TV, so similar with sinetron in Indonesia. One different thing, we dont have monorail in Jakarta *praying for Jakarta's monorail 2011*.
Well, seeing life in another part of this world is totally nice. I saw some similarity, then laugh. I found differences to think of. But in the end, I got fun. I was once there, in Bangkok, I was once experiencing the traffic there.. Someday I hope I can be there for one more time :)
Nah! ini adalah beberapa gambar yang saya ambil di tahun lalu (dari dalam bus). Liat gambar pertama dari kiri, gambar itu saya ambil ketika bus yang saya naiki terjebak kemacetan yang parah (kayaknya sih di sana tiap hari macet begitu). Saya inget banget, bus sama sekali nggak bergerak dari hari terang sampai gelap. Bus itu kebetulan terhenti tepat di depan pasar yang ramai dan kelihatan agak semrawut, saking lamanya macet, si Ben, tour guide selama di sana sempat ke pasar dulu dan membelikan pisang goreng (rasanya enak, mirip2 sama pisang goreng indo).
Gambar ke-2 dan 3 adalah view kota Bangkok. Gambar ke-4 adalah gambar yang saya ambil dadakan ketika bus melewati sebuah masjid di tengah2 kota Bangkok :).
Gambar ke-5 adalah bekas istana raja yang sekarang jadi tempat wisata (kalo di Bangkok Traffic Love Story disebut Taman Siam/Istana Siam). Nah, gambar terakhir adalah suasana sepanjang jalan kota Bangkok setiap awal Desember. Karena Raja mereka ulang tahun, maka suasana kota dibuat semeriah mungkin sebagai bentuk kecintaan mereka pada raja.
Sayang sekali saya hanya bisa mengambil foto-foto ini dari dalam bus yang berjalan, tapi yaa.. lumayanlah :D