As soon as I graduated, it was like a common consensus in my family that I had to fend for myself, not to mention, I was as expected, financially responsible for my second sister who was in uni at that time.
I spent my university days happily and without lacking anything. My mom did her best to provide and support me, but our situation was not the most ideal once my sister was also in uni. I wanted to make sure my sister also receive what I received.
I didn't want to do this while resending anyone, so I chose the job I was so happy with, teaching. It was not the highest-paying job I could get, so I had to take extra private classes in the morning, I even did home-visit teaching by request. I managed corporate classes during the day and taught full time from the afternoon to evening. I also have classes on Saturday, from morning to afternoon. Exhausting? probably, it's just that I didn't feel like it was tiring at all. I loved my job so much. I loved being with my students, from the toddlers to the adults, I treasure the times I spent with them. Difficult times were less difficult because of them. With the money I earned, I could support my second sister with her study, my mom only needed to pay for her house rent every year. I didn't know how I could manage, but I could always save enough money when needed, either for her daily expenses or her semester tuition. I remember it was sometimes thrilling, when my sister suddenly called, "Mbak aku minggu depan ada study tour.", "Mbak, aku perlu sekian untuk praktek ini disini..", "Mbak, HP aku rusak...". It honestly didn't drive me crazy, there was always a way, or could I say, divine intervention?. I don't remember any day I was upset or complained just because I have to do everything I can for my family.
Not long after my second sister graduated, my youngest sister also went to uni. She enrolled to a private uni and at this point, there was no way (because of one and another) my mom could support her financially. I didn't know once again how I could manage to cover everything for her until she graduated, while also supporting my second sister who were still not independent until recently. How could I earned those money? By doing all sort of jobs of course. I'm forever grateful for all the opportunities.
For the past 10 years, my family has always been my priority. I don't have time and energy for trivial matters. The only sacrifice I made was letting go of people who hurt me (on purpose or not). I didn't have the energy to fight for them, or to explain myself. I went through the years with those who stick with me in all situations (even in my worst days when I couldn't help but being grumpy and annoying). Those few people are very precious to me.
By the time you read this part, I'm sure you'd pity me, which why I never openly shared this details to anyone. I once told a very good friend of mine and her response was, "Your sisters are not your responsibility, your parents have to do everything they can to support them..". Another friend asked me, "Why would you sacrifice your life for your family? you're an adult, so you can do anything you want for yourself..". He couldn't understand the life I was living.
I never resent them. I realised their situation might ideally be different and unless they were in my shoes, they would never know how I felt. I love doing what I have been doing. Yes, my family has been my first, but along the way, I made time, I saved money so I could enjoy my life too. I don't want to later regret supporting my family and not living my life to the fullest. I practically worked so many jobs in the past 10 years, but magically they're mostly something I could do well, so I was not suffering. This must be God giving me his mercy. I always have this thought that there's my family's rights in whatever I earned, because the more I spent for them, the more I earned. Alhamdulillah, that's always the case :)
If there were days I cried myself to sleep, it was not because I wished I had led a different life, but it was because things were too hard for that day and a good cry might help.
Now, looking back to those years, I sometimes still can't believe I could make it this far. Things are still the same, I'm still the breadwinner of the family, but it's so much better and easier now. I start catching up on this and that I missed. I'm content with everything I have and achieved until now. I will continue to always work hard and be grateful.
