Jenny's Pride

Not only I miss the kids, but I also want to meet the teenagers even more. I once had a story with Jenny, a 13 to 14 yo girl. She was SWAG! Well I don’t really know the definition of SWAG but somehow she fitted that term. Jenny came from a very wealthy family, but from what I heard, she was not in a good term with her mom, which was typical problem for my students there.

Jenny really loved Lady Gaga. She could spend a whole day talking about how great Gaga was. She said she loved coming to my class because she hated coming home.

Jenny was always lazy when it came to studying. She would always showed her signature remark “Aaah ms, let’s just talk, okay, let’s just share story, okay…”. My challenge was how to balance her story time and the lesson, which was my, no, our priority.

I grew fond of her. She told me that her mom kept making her do things she hated. She wanted to learn guitar, but she had to take a piano lesson because he mom thought that guitar would ruin her nails. She loved futsal and soccer, yet her mom made her join a swimming club because swimming was so much more girly. But it was normal. Teenagers (from what I learn) were in the phase where they tend to rebel rather than negotiate. When they’re older, they will learn how to get what they want with negotiation and without confrontation.

Several terms had passed when I finally had to leave her class. My principal said that it was not healthy anymore. For her, I was too lenient on the kids and it could spoil them. After that, I got another class as the substitute and Jenny got a new teacher. A month and two, I kept getting message from her telling me to come back. She said she would study harder and stop playing around. What could I do… after what she called a nice way to ask for me back, she threatened to quit. I tried to assure her we could still talk outside the class. Glad she hung on.

The time when she had her school group holiday to Bali, she bought me a T-Shirt saying “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you better stuff, FYI I didn’t even buy anything for my mom”. 

Well, I got it. I felt I was important for her.

One day, Jenny’s teacher came so angry. Her face was all red. In teacher’s room, she said Jenny was way too hard to handle. “How dare she call me dog? How impolite and look very uneducated!”. We consoled the teacher that day. It must be hard on her. Being called names by students (especially not kids, must be hurtful).

Well to cut the story short, it was probably the last time Jenny came.  I never saw her after that, so I decided to contact her. I asked her what happened; she replied and made me speechless. “You know I love Gaga, you know how hard I persuaded my mom to let me buy the ticket to her Jakarta concert, you know how happy I was when my mom gave up and said yes, but when Gaga canceled her concert, I told Ms. X (the teacher in her class), you know what she said? She laughed loudly at me, pointing her pointed finger saying how poor I was. It hurt me a lot; she didn’t know how bad I felt because I couldn’t see Gaga after all the effort I did.”

It was like I was slapped on the face that day. No matter how I hate some cheesy actors, I never stated it in front of students who liked them. 

You might think that Jenny was overacting that time, but for me, no. teenagers are like that. They are very vulnerable. When you insult the thing they like, it feels like you and the world are against her. Their pride is important and they don’t need you to love the thing they love. I felt her.

I Miss Maxi

Although I’m not teaching anymore. There were moments I want to remember, I want to treasure as it is a very happy or sad memory. A month or two after quitting, receptionist at the place I used to work texted me, telling that one of the kid’s moms, Maxi’s mom, asked for my number. I was surprised because I have never personally talked to her. I only met Maxi in the last 2 months of my teaching. I told her I didn’t mind giving my number.

Maxi was almost 5yo that time. He was still in kindergarten. When he first came, his mom told me he hates his previous English class because it was too noisy and they played too much in class. I was amazed by such a remark from a 5yo kid. I found out that Maxi was brilliant; he spoke well for a toddler and a non-native speaker.

Maxi was way too perfect as a kid. He was clean, he was tidy, he was nice, he was smart, and he has no flaw for a kid like him. He used to have problem making friends before he came. In my class, I was trained to deal with such kid; I tried my best approaching him since he first looked like he didn’t believe me. It didn’t work out well, but I believe in process and I understood that time worked better.

One day while the kids were doing written tasks, I hummed a song unconsciously. I actually had this bad habit of humming while teaching. I hummed some of The Scripts’ songs. Suddenly, Maxi stood up and continued singing the song I sang. We ended up singing “the man who can’t be moved” together. When we finished, he laughed widely that I also wanted to laugh looking at his smiley eyes and his shoulder shaking because maybe he thought that it was ridiculous we sang that song together. Maxi looked so cute that day. He said that he really loved that song. Since then he got a lot closer to me and he opened up more to other friends. His mom also stopped standing in front of the classroom door (she did stand there because Maxi didn’t want to be in class unless she did).

A week after the call from the receptionist, I visited my previous working place. She asked me whether Maxi’s mom had contacted. I didn’t think I get any messages. I asked her what happened. Well, it turned out that after I quilted, Maxi kept asking for me, “where’s ms wida? Why she is not coming? I want ms wida, can she come? Why not? I miss ms wida, where’s ms wida?...” there the questions goes back and forth. I felt like crying for that. From Maxi's mom, I heard that Maxi had changed a lot since he came to my class. after lessons, on their way back home, he would talk a lot about me to his mom. At home, he would tell every thing, what I told him, how we played, what we learned, from A to Z. Coming to our class was always exciting for him. This made me feel relieved and sad at the same time. relieved for we both did well, sad for the fact that I wouldn't know when I would meet him again.

Maxi was one of many adorable kids I met during my teaching career.  Now that I look back, those times with the kids were very precious. Kids are honest, kids are pure. They have no hatred that no matter how annoying they gets, I can never be mad at them.

Ah, what I am blabbering about. I might just MISS Maxi and other Maxis too much.

After A Year

It’s been a year since I last taught formally in class. I MISS teaching, I miss standing in the middle of our small cozy classroom, I miss sitting while observing my students, I miss listening to their complaint as soon as they arrived from office/school, I miss arguing with the kids just because they held their pride up, I miss telling story as the bridging to the lessons, I miss preparing teaching aids, I miss writing down my lesson plans, I miss preparing all the steps and procedures, well more than that, I miss MY STUDENTS.

When I first decided to leave teaching out, It didn’t just happen in a blink of an eye. I got a month to fix things. That one month was the most miserable month in my life. You know the feeling of meeting those you would leave after in a month. It was really painful. Whenever I saw the kids, I felt a pang in my heart, especially when they sweetly said, “thank you miss, I love you…” over little things I did in class. Or even when they bawled, “aaah miss, I’m so tired, I don’t want to do this…”. I, that time, wondered if the new teacher would understand them the way I did.

The fact that a year has passed makes me believe that I’m more than I think I am. This past 12 months, I could bear all new things. I have been trying my best to love what I’ve been doing. Teaching is  my thing, but working as an employee is another thing. There was a time I compared them and ended up hating myself because what I want is not what I need. There was a time I thought I made a great choice quitting, but then ended up questioning whether that was what I really wanted.

Despite all the struggles and all the doubt and the fear I have in my head, I have passed my first year. Going back to the way I was last year is definitely not a choice. I’m not ever coming back although I keep reminiscing on how lovely those days were.

The place where I am now is my choice. Whatever might happen is the consequence of it. I’m sure I’m going to accomplish whatever it is.