Seeing Caterpillars Becoming Butterflies (Part 1)

This is a story about a class I've handled the longest so far as my teaching career. Normally at our school, teacher manages a class for 1 term, about 2 months, after that the teacher will be exchanged so students won't get bored and they can experience different exposures and atmosphere. In November 2011, I was given a new class, a class of teenagers, high schoolers. I still remember when I first came, I met three students, a very serious young boy who seemed having no interest in other things except studying, a quiet girl who was well pretty dressed, and another ignorant girl who kept answering my question with "I don't know, I forget" without even looking at me. I was shaken, it was my forth month teaching, and I hadn't thought teenagers that much. So in my first 45 minutes in that class, I hid my nerve and kept talking to myself, "it's okay". I still remember 3 students came late for almost an hour, I had done my presentation when they came. I still remember their face, when they first look at me, they showed that they had no interest in me, one of them even asked, "why are you teaching us? where's ms.x", they nagged asking for their previous teacher. I had a breakdown on my first day with their cruelty, but I decided to stay. The previous teacher kept complaining about that class, especially those three late musketeers, so I thought that I might have to give it a try.

On our early meetings, I did my best to get to know them better. I love talking to my students, from those teenagers, I learned about a lot of new things, I learned how to deal with them better based on their different current situation. Reading books and watching movies showed me that it's such an easy thing to do, in fact, it was pretty hard on me. when I asked them , they responded not the way I expected.

I have a student named willy, 17yo boy. He is one of the three late musketeers. He always sat on the desk right in front of the teacher table, my table, cope his one hand around his face and stared at me with a very sharp eyes that looked like killer's eyes. I was once had a conversation with him.

Me: Willy what things are you interested in, do you like watching movies?

Willy: engga ms.

Me: what about Sport, do you like doing sports?

Willy: engga suka juga ms.

Me: So what thing do you like the most?

Willy: engga ada ms yang I suka, lagian ngapain sih ms nanya-nanya.

He didn't look annoyed, he was saying it with his straight face but it was embarrassing for me.

Two weeks had passed when I realize that they didn't change. Three musketeers kept coming late and even later, they didn't study seriously, I wonder if they even considered me as their teacher that time, they came late because they went to the fitness center before coming to class. They made me speechless. The rest three students didn't interact that much, they minded their own business. I was really worried. I prepared good materials and activities for the class but they just wouldn't work.

We finally had finished our first month together, it was time for mid-test. As expected, three musketeers weren't ready for it. when their friends were doing the tests, I put them in separated class saying that I would give them additional review. Truthfully I did review all the materials, they were following me seriously, even when I gave them writing practices. Looking at their serious faces toward the books, I wondered, why couldn't they be like that everyday. I mumbled, "why are you studying English?", three of them looked at me quietly. "I ask what is your purpose studying English?" I speak louder, still no response. "Is your mom forcing you to come here? or do you just follow each other to play here?". I remember how willy firstly offended, lift his chin up, "I for my study ms, saya juga worry sama English saya, nanti saya mau kuliah di perhotelan, saya mesti belajar ms..." I nodded, then gazed to Calvin, then he mumbled, "saya juga buat improve bahasa inggris saya ms", the last musketeer, Arya supported calvin's answer. I sighed again and looked at their faces one by one, "you know guys, you parents pay me to study with you here, I'm responsible for your English here so I feel useless if you just play around and give no attention toward the lessons, after hearing your reasons, I hope you can come on time next meeting, at least try coming earlier than coming one hour late. we have only 2 hours here, if you miss the first one, what should I do with things you've skipped? can you at least promise me this?". In the end they said "yes". Miraculously, the next meeting three of them came on time, I met them around the stairs, Calvin smiled and said, "ms, kita nepatin janji kita kan, nggak telat kan?". I smiled, it was one of happiest moments in my life. 

Day after days, I could see them change, but not like in a drama where they should change dramatically, no, it started with a tiny improvement, but I was grateful for that. Willy told me about his interest in cookery, Calvin and Arya showed interest in volleyball, William, the serious guy started telling stories about his brother instead of the academic things, Gaby, the quiet girl shared that she wanted to became an actress but her parents didn't allow her to join any auditions, and Ihui, the half Taiwanese girl who first looked very ignorant started bragging about her very lovely dog Bikime. I could feel that we got closer.

One terms finally ended, I thought I hadn't had enough time with them, I'm still unfinished with them so I told the principal to give me another chance there.

In our second term together, we had two new boys, Josiah, a boy with bright smile with his friend, a very tall Brian. Our class became warmer. In our second term, I finally saw William's first smile, it was really bright, I thought I would only see the folds on his forehead. Ihui and Gaby got along well, Gaby gave Ihui a birthday gift, Josian and Brian were very good at studying, three musketeers came earlier, Willy even came before me for several meetings. Just like that we finished our second term. I didn't have any right to beg the principal to stay there again, so I just let it be, although deep in my heart, I still want to be with them. Surprisingly they demanded to be taught by no other teachers but me. I knew I shouldn't. but I can't help to feel happy with their efforts, they threaten to stop studying if the teacher was changed. so there I was in the third term with them.

I think it was around March and April, three musketeers were up to their national exam at school, I was so nervous thinking about them. Too bad, on the second meeting of the third term, I couldn't make it, I collapsed of the typhus symptoms. I even fainted at my dorm that my uncle took me to his house in Bintaro. I skipped teaching for more than two weeks. It was really hard on me. I had no energy, I felt so used, I couldn't swallow anything, I lost my weight and getting so weak for staying on bed for too long. My mum isn't a text person, neither do I. She kept calling me but I was just too weak to tell things to her, speaking was even hard for me. My friends were normally busy so they didn't really have time to text me. Rather than feeling lonely, I felt afraid, I had never been that weak in my whole life. I started browsing through my smart phone about death that caused by my illness. I was afraid to that extent. If I could say who were there supporting me the most, of course my uncle's family, then my mum, then it was them, my students from that class, Gaby kept texting me reminding me to eat healthy food, William kept asking when I came back, Arya kept sending me jokes that never failed to put a smile on my weakling condition, and Calvin never got tired talking with me, he sent silly jokes and upgraded my spirit. I wasn't good at texting, usually, when people talk with me by letters, I kept thinking of the right response as I didn't want to hurt their feeling, I kept blaming my self if my talking partner ended the chat hanging or response me with a very short word. It didn't happen to me and my students, I love how I could be my self to them, I love how they never got annoyed by my late reply, my complaints, my nags, and even my brags.

At that time, even before I fully recovered, I decided to be back teaching. There was a thing I shouldn't be happy about, but it was touchy indeed. Some of them stop coming to class when I was on my leave, they said they  don't want any other teacher. They boycott the class, I felt so loved that time.

When I finally came back to that class, I was so happy to see their faces again. I guessed I would be recovered sooned. Arya even gave me a batik bracelet saying things like "ms harus cepet sembuh, kalo berasa sakit lagi, liat aja gelangnya nanti kan keingetan saya langsung sembuh deh, hahaha". I laughed seeing how confident he was. I still have the memorable bracelet.

Finally, our third term almost came to an end.Three musketeers were focusing on their national exam. We got closer. I kept supporting them, what was so thrilling, I accompanied them staying up late until morning to study, when they got sleepy they would text me, as a bat girl, it was a coincidence, I had friends to stay up late, it was a mutual relationship among us. When it finally passed, we all could breath in relax. But too bad that Willy started getting busy with his preparation to enrolling to tourism education school in Bintaro which is very far from Pluit that made him stop coming to class, it was around May when Gaby was getting busy too with her final exam at school, she stopped finally. Brian also left because his mum said to postpone the course first. We were left with me, William, Josiah, Ihui, Arya, and Calvin. The class got quieter. It was a bit painful when I saw the seat that used to be Willy's, Gaby's, and Brian's, but we got used to it eventually.

Now That class left with only me, Ihui, Josiah, and William. Arya started getting busy with his study in Untar so he left in around October 2012, Calvin who is currently studying in Binus was also busy with his extra activities at campus and his canon photo school so he left in October as well.

New students came to that class, but the feeling is still the same. It was warm and comfortable to teach there, I've taught that class for 1 year and 2 months because they never want another teacher. It was the only class that treat me more like friends, we shared everything, EVERYTHING, I know most of the things about them, their family, their intention, their dream and so on. They know me too, I don't know how far they've known, but they've seen me in my bad mood, in my good mood, and all situation where I complained and whined.

I still keep in touch with the other students through twitter and blackberry messenger. They're more like brothers and sisters to me. Sometimes they could be so whiny and stubborn, but the other time, they would be so mature and so helpful foe me.

One day when I stop teaching, I won't forget that I've ever been so happy with them and I'll keep our tie as long as possible.

Good Things Happen in Every December

It's 2013 already, relief for those who believed in Mayan's doomsday and I wish everyone a happy new year sincerely :)

I'm painting another pattern as a reminder of what have just happened these days. This was too beautiful to be ignored and to be abandoned.

December has always been my month. It's the last month of the year, a month when people usually reflect on what have happened during the year, as for me, I started breathing on the eleventh day of this month around 24 years ago. 

When I left home, I don't get the chance to commemorate my birthday with my family, I've had it with friends around me. Last year was bitter at first, I was going to spend the night waiting for my day thinking, but I ended up being lectured by my close friend's boyfriend instead, being reprimanded, and being criticized about how I should have acted toward his girlfriend which is my close friend. How bittersweet it was in the beginning, it eventually ended with a sparkling birth month when I could spent the end of the month having holiday at home.

I didn't expect much for my latest birthday, I learned a lot. Who knows that Murphy's law really worked. When I didn't hope for anything, I got more that anything I had ever had in my entire birthday.

At the midnight, I got a surprise birthday cake from my dorm friend and her sister. I made a wish right in front of the burning candles. I slept with spreaded birthday wishes around my phone messages, blackberry messenger, facebook, twitter, and even e-mail. In the morning, I got calls from home and my sister.I was so blessed.

At the midday, I went to work normally, got congratulated by the staffs at my office, and got around almost 5 hours until I had my first class that day. At around 2 pm, while I was busy with my lessons plan, I saw some silhouettes behind the glass wall in front of my desk, then two heads popped out from the door whispered, "ms, ms. wida, happy birthday to you!", when I saw that, I stood up and opened my arms widely so those two kids, Nathania and Jocelyn could reach me, I thanked them, then, Nia gave me her cheek, I kissed my student for the first time there, she was too cute to be ignored. Then, they continued whispering, "you know, we said to mr. Ricko we go to the toilet to pee, but we go here, please don't tell, hihihi...". I smiled brightly. I used to teach them but then, following the rule, the teacher was changed every new term.

Not long after they left, I suddenly had a student came to have school lessons (for catching up the lesson they're lacking at school). I had stayed there for around 30 minutes when Nathania and Cleo, another student from her class knocked on my door to say, "ms, we've got surprise for you, please open a yellow folder on your desk, ok! don't forget!". Later I found out that they made birthday cards for me, it was also thanks to their homeroom teacher, mr. ricko who gave them extra time to put their effort on those cards.

At around 3 pm. I sat back at the office to continue my teaching preparation. When I was about to start, I got a call from the receptionist, she told me that I got a package, I just laughed and told them to stop tricking me, I was so sure they tricked me because I didn't buy anything online that time, but they kept ensuring me, and even said that it was delivered from Bandung, I laughed louder and started enjoying the trick, until they said, "ini paketnya dari bramantyo ardi wardhana", what??, since when did they know my friend's name?. Still unsure, instead of walking down the stairs, I asked the office boy to get it for me if it were real. When the delivery arrived in front of my eyes, I was overly surprised and when I saw it real, I was so happy that I could cry, I didn't ever dream of that kind of surprise package would come from anyone, and even from Bamby, who I self-proclaimed as my brother, well, now I even think that he might be my former brother's long legs, hehe. Thankyouu Bambinoo!

When I finally had my first class that day, my students welcomed me with very warm birthday greetings. That class soon ended, but before I dismissed it, a teenage girl stopped me and asked me to wait then rushed to the downstairs. My heart raced thinking about what would happen. She came back fast bringing a well-packaged birthday gift that she had prepared and had entrusted to the receptionist until she gave it. It was a black bag, that class absolutely know how I was a fan of black. I felt blessed even more thinking about the thought she gave while preparing that gift.

I finally finished working with a super happy feeling then reached home to get another surprise from my best friends that came to my room with another cake and present. I slept peacefully by the feeling of being loved that night.

The next day, I got another class which means I was spreaded with a lot of wishes again. I even got another special gift, why was it special? because it won't be given by just any random student. It was a package of black nail polish and nail pack. Long ago, one of my student complimented my pink nail polish, she also said that I would be better trying black polish for my nails. I told her I wanted to, but somehow I don't feel confident and some friends of mine suggested that I wear bright nail polish to be girly. When she gave that gift, she told me to wear it and be confident because she knew how I liked black and also the nail pack is the part of nail care that she hoped I wouldn't mind making my nails brightened as well when I'm without nail polish, how lovely :')

I had my 24th birthday on 11th December, but I will never forget the 12th as well, A day after my birthday, while I was teaching a night class, I got a surprise from my old students who gathered to come for my birthday, it was DAEBAK! I'll definitely tell about them in my next post.

Well, whenever I introduce myself to new students, I'd say that I'm 17, then after they put their suspicious face, I'll add, 17 plus 6, but now, I guess I must be used to telling them that I'm 17 plus 7. 

A new age, and a new year, I'm also thinking of some aims, but I know how God listens to my prayer so let it be. What's so obvious, I think I've changed, of course, everyone changes, if we don't hurt people or getting hurt by people, we wont change, if we don't change, we won't move forward. If I were a machine, I would always be in repaired. Things that happened and people surround me make me who I am, I want to be developed, I want to be better together with them.

Ji-yong and Sungha Jung

It's still 15 minutes to 12 am. I want to tell my blogspot that right now I had terrible crush with these two's music, don't be judgmental, just because you don't like his rings, ear rings, or his blink blink shirt, or even his full make up face, eh, who I am to say that and why would I mind your preferences anyway. This is my personal taste right now, I like the genius guitar monster, Jung Sungha, I still love depapepe, but Jung Sungha is way too brilliant, every song he arranged became better than the original version. The other guy, the singer is Kwon Ji-yong, or G-Dragon or GD from Big Bang, I used to hate that group because I didn't like the way I thought they overdressed and they wore thick make up as guys, but I grew fond of them, especially GD, his music surprisingly caught my hearing. He has created a lot of beautiful Korean songs that made me googled the meaning because they're too beautiful to waste, 'That XX' is definitely a song of the year for me. 

It was a jackpot to have  Jung Sungha as Ji-yong's companion in singing this song live.

And this one is amazing as well. If I could wake up tomorrow with one ability, I wanted to have his guitar talent so I could play guitar beautifully.!

Ah I need to stop or I'll end up sleeping in the morning because I cant stop youtube-ing.

Goodnight world!

Attention Seekers Part 2

Ah, I can't believe that I need very long time to continue my previous story. Well, today, I finally got my official contract for my new status, Junior 2 Teacher, after the class observations, workshop, submitting lesson plans, etc, in the end I did quite well :p

About the messy mushroom class during the observation, I kept thinking about it, after that, I couldn't face my principal directly, I was afraid and had a feeling that she must have thought that I was incapable as a teacher. It affected my mood in the class, after that class, we still had several meetings before the project and progress tests, so every time I saw my students, it's not that I hate them, but as normal human I had a thought like, "ah.. I could have done better if only you had cooperated well that day". I acted normally but inside my heart, I felt worried. The result of the observation was still unknown but I presumed myself. My spirit eventually went down in handling that class. I was nervous of bad result possibility.

One day after that D-day, I came to that class wearing brand new shoes, they're brown almost red, and I could admit that they're my most girly shoes with even ribbons on them. My kids didn't say anything but they looked at mine obviously, their pride was just too high to ask whether I wore new shoes.

During the class activities, a kiddo came to me and asked question, but instead of normally standing in front of me, he stocked his plump body to my legs, since he wasn't doing it for whiny purpose, I let it be. While I was answering his question, he lost his balance and stepped on my shoes, and as soon as that happen, he swapped the ribbon on my right shoes with his big crocs sandals until the ribbon stocked out and fell on the floor, I was shocked, widened my eyes, looked at the crocodile that had eaten my clueless new shoes. I could have been angry, but then I controlled my self, ok I was sure he would apologize, I knew he's not a bad kid.

Surprisingly more shocked than me, the kiddo looked scared and he left me speechless with his excuse. Rather than saying sorry, he said senseless words, "Ms, is this your new shoe? that's whyyy, I actually want to tell you, don't buy ABAL-ABAL shoes, this is cheap but bad, look now it's broken, buy crocs like me, this is good shoes". Normally I would stop him and remind him about Indonesian word he said, "abal-abal", but that time, my head burned, this crocs monster, how could he say such things. I was thinking of a counter attack when he said another defended words, "your shoes are abal-abal ms, my MOM said good shoes are crocs...". After his last excuse, my head cooled down, I really wanted to meet his mum that time. I was angry to him, but I felt that his mum should take the blame for the not-sorry kiddo.  

After that, my spirit suppressed dramatically there. the next meeting, it was around three meetings left before we finished the level. I came to the class promising my self to forget all the traumatic things happened there.

As soon as I got in, several kids were busy writing and drawing, then, a chubby girl came to me and said, "Next level, you're still with us, right?", I just put on a smile. "I like you, This is for you from us, please keep this". I was curious but then sentimentally smiled looking at the note she gave me. Ah how I could ignore those kids. They made mistake by adding 'are' before love, but I didn't mind at all, and what's with 'from the children', so cheesy, hehe.

Well, about the observation result, I was kinda taken aback when the principal said good thing about my teaching procedures, "It must be hard on you, teaching kids, they don't calculate our feelings like adult, they do things recklessly, but I really like the way you coped with them, the way you personally handle them, bear in your mind that you have the patience as the key to teaching kids, keep it up....". I was blanked, the principal said all good things about the way I treated the students, in fact she criticized only the technical thing, "during the pair work, you made a student ask and the pair answer, it was actually good, but it would be much better if they didn't do it only that way, they need to exchange their role to add the exposure to the language....". So the feedback session was almost all about technical thing, mushroom class attitude that time didn't influence any of my credits. And, see now, I've pass another step, now I'm a Junior 2 teacher, the mushroom class is currently being taught by another teacher, let them experience, reflect, and learn. I'm thankful to them for giving me unexpected experience and good time.

Attention Seekers

Still remember the class with mushroom stories? once I read the story again, it looks like that's a perfect class where every teacher's plan will go smoothly. In fact, sometimes I feel like the kids (they're all about six or 7 and one is 8) start taking me easy, this recurring problem is not new at all for a lenient teacher like me, but I don't want to tell about it.

So this is a story about my kind of 'D-day', an important day. In our school, teachers are normally observed by the principal every several months, so this is my 9th observation day. The mushroom class, we call it Red 1, was chosen as the representative of my children class. I didn't feel nervous at all since that wasn't my first time, although we've got new material with completely new publisher books and multimedia, I had no worry. So I made my lesson plan well, activity by activity. I predicted things that could ruin my session until I finally thought that everything's perfect.

At the 'D-day', I told them that the principal would join them studying. Their response was just like "Oh, ohkay". I didn't have any intuition about unplanned things to happen.

The principal was finally sitting there when I started the class. And you know whaat? even since the first stage of teaching procedures, things were going unplanned.

I normally start by talking to them about their day, the food they ate, the lesson they studied at school, the cartoon they watched previous night, and even their plans after class, they have always been excited telling me everything, Gaby, the most talkative usually starts with "I'm not happy today, but I'm not angry too, just so so, I'm a lil bit tired, you know I have many course, and I clean my bedroom, my sister is lazy, never tidy the room, and today at school I have math test, it's easy, bla bla...". Marco ever replied me "Today I play basketball, I fight with P4, they're big, but I score one, tomorrow I play again at school but with P3, I think I will win again, bla bla...", even the quietest student, Priska always answers like, "I study PE today, weekend I go to church and then eat at the mall with my mum and dad and brother..". 

Normally they answer that way, but as soon as another new person (which was the principal) joined us, they turned to be aliens. This is the chronology of my first stage, talk to the students.

I started, "Hello everyone! so how's you day today? who's happy here? Are you all sad? no?" (I started brightly).

No one answered me, they put on very expensive faces telling me like, "want me to speak? pay in advance!". I tried really hard until several of them answered, "don't want to tell you about today". I was choked, but all was well, I went to the second stage, warming up. I had prepared a very exhilarating game with a lot of expectation in it. Normally since it was a new game, they will shout excitingly "I want to play, me first, me first, me first!", but while the principal was watching, they put on their "still expensive face" and just responded, "ms, I don't want to play", "it's boring ms, can I not play?", "can we play other game?", "ms, I want play hangman". Nothing answered as expected although in the end they played after my eyes almost popped out (I lie,hehe).

It was really funny once I thought about it again. Thank God, I'm not a newbie so I've learned to be prepared for those unplanned situations.

In the middle of my presentation, they could follow me in a quite normal way. I chose pair work as the practice, I divided them in to several pairs, usually, they never complain about anything during this activity. They have to follow all my instructions, but that day, they quite disappointed me because one of them didn't care about my instructions, and kept complaining as well, "ms, I think I know how to do this, we better bla.. bla.. so it is more interesting bla.. bla..", I don't mind my kids giving me suggestions, but at that time she talked a nonsense rule which wasn't correct at all but just created a chaotic situation. I got stiff because of that. I started getting more serious so they could follow me seriously too.

During the production stage, I encourage them to draw their room "this morning and now", basically they've just been intruduced to "past tense, was and were". Normally almost all of them are excited of drawing because it's fun, but that day, ane of the students said, "ms aaah, I don't want to draw", then, "ms, I can not draw", one who wanted to draw even said, "I want to draw the mountain and the beach", and there they went out of control. I never shout at my students, I don't believe in the "scary way" to educate. So I started shifting their attention from rebelling, I mumbled, "hm.. Amazing World of Gumball last episode wasn't interesting at all...", normally they will be offended and reply, "noooo, I like it!", "it was greaat not bad!" and other defensive answers, but at that day, they answer, "I don't watch it, I don't like gumball anymore, I like 'adventure time now'", I was like, argh! (but only in my heart, of course :D). I could see the principal couldn't hold her smile.

Finally after feeling like it's been a thousand years, the last fifteen minutes, the principal left. As soon as she left, all the aliens turned to be my normal kids! and started telling a lot of story and all. I was just sighing non-stop.

Ooops! this gonna be a very longe story, I'll make it in to two part because I'm running out of time to prepare going to my office, see you tonight, blogspot!

Fan Girl Moment

Yay! I was so happy to see @thekooksmusic tweeted that they were writing songs these days. I'm a fan of The Kooks since "naive" which I thought was Lily Allen's original song, back then I was so keen on her version that I walked around youtube to see her live, later I found out that she was just doing a cover for The Kooks'. Since then I've officially fallen in love with their music, the guitar sound (as usual) plus the English accent vocal of Luke Pritchard. 

When I like a musician, I'm going to go through several long sleepless night to find about them in the internet especially Youtube, thanks to super speedy internet connection in my room. Same case happens for The Kooks, I was so curious that I watched all of their interview in Youtube, but unfortunately, they're all Potterish British, I felt like I was watching some Weasleys. To be honest, I didn't really understand things they said that time. A bit frustrated  I trained my self by listening to their interview and songs constantly until now. Well, when we're used to something, we're getting better at it. I wasn't used to understanding English men talking, but now I'm used to listening to it. When I find their newest interview, I'll understand them better. This is good for me to enlarge the exposure of my English as well.

The Kooks released their latest album last year, "Junk of The Heart", I love all the songs there. Number one song from that album, for me, is "junk of the heart (happy)", a song that makes me wiggle :D

I asked a friend to listen to their songs, but my friend seemed quite disturbed by Luke's vocal. Well, I don't know, perhaps, it is me who's got worse sense at choosing good vocal because I like 'Our Lady Peace' vocalist, that is said to have weird vocal too. Honestly at first, I didn't enjoy Luke's vocal, but I've grown to be fond of it. 

ah! if I were a guitar master, I would definitely play all of their songs. In fact, I've been stuck only as a listener, never a musician :p 

Let me post a song from The Kooks to celebrate the occasion of them making new songs, haha ;)

old days.. (She Moves in Her own Way)

these days (Is It Me)

Mushroom Story

AH! Glad to be back here again.

Several days ago, I had a new cute experience with the kiddos. It was in Red 1 class, a class with 3 boys and 2 girls, their average age is 7yo. That day the target language is offering food, like "do you want some chocolate?", "I want some candies", "I don't want any soup", etc.

We started playing matching food cards with the jumbled name. Everyone was so excited. Then I went to the next slide, the slide that was fulled of mouthwatering food pictures. As a lead in, I ask them about those food, "who likes stew?", "who doesn't like curry?", etc. They all answered enthusiastically. Until it came to mushroom. The picture was very clear. Before I asked anything, they started speaking naturally, Priska said, "I think mushroom is healthy, not like french fries", Rahmat added, "noo salad is healthy, not mushroom", Duncan shouted, "mushroom is yucky, I don't like!", then Gaby stated new comment, "ms ms, my grandma cook me mushroom at home, I like it, it's so yummy!", the others started to get distracted and stated inconsistent things (which was cute), "ah gaby, my mom also cook me mushroom!" marco didn't want to lose. Duncan, who said that mushroom was yucky even changed his mind, "me too, I also eat mushroom at home!". I was just smiling while giving them chances to discuss about mushroom. when I was about to stop, marco stood up, "ms you know mushroom is healthy, but some danger ms". I was surprised and I thought marco talked about poisonous mushroom so I supported him, "yes, you can't eat poisonous mushroom, it's very dangerous!", duncan even added dramatically, "you eat it, then after 2 hours you will die". I thought marco would be happy, in fact, he rose his pointed finger and shaked it, "noooo ms, not the poison mushroom!", I was confused, "so what mushroom did you talk about earlier marco?". He put on a very serious face and explained, "MUSHROOM IN OUR FEET IS DANGEROUS MS! its not healthy."

I was blanked a moment, wondered if he was joking that time, but looking at his innocent and serious face, I can't help but laughing out loud, I mean, mushroom in our feet???? is it even in our topic??? :))

We ended up laughing together, it was still a mystery whether they laughed because the knew what I meant, or whether they just followed me.

the next slide was about spaghetti, the kiddos spoke alot about this food, every one wanted to be the one who-know-it-all about spaghetti. Gaby stood up, "ms, I learned at school, I know where spaghetti come from...". She put on a mysterious face, hoping that other friends will be curious. Unfortunately, what she got wasn't what she wanted, marco felt irritated and didn't want to lose either, "Ah gaby, just stop, I also know where spaghetti come from, you no tell us, I already know". Gaby got a little bit angry, "where?? tell me if you know!". Marco with flat face and serious face answered confidently  "of course I know SPAGHETTI IS FROM CARREFOUR, I and my mum buy there". Once again, I hoped he was joking, but looking at his face he was very serious, I started teary laugh, especially while looking at gaby's upset face. She sat directly, folded her hands on her chest then sighed, "aaaaah marcooo!". Marco gave a normal face and answered, "why?", which made gaby even angrier. 

That day, even until I got home, I couldn't stop smiling remembering that story, because I experienced it spontaneously, it was even funnier in my head. I love you kiddos! 

My Father and Me

The relationship between me and my father is difficult to define. So far that I know, we're very close because I've always done everything he asked me to do. I did well at school. I didn't make friends with those who my father thought would harm me. I've always stayed at home playing snake and ladder, monopoly, scrabble, or lego after school since he told me that our neighborhood environment wasn't good. I've always slept in the afternoon exactly from 2 until 4, I had never gone to school before I finished my breakfast. I had never had my lunch before I fixed my shoes and uniforms on the right place. I remember that I never intentionally disappointed him except when I skipped one of my afternoon sleeping time and escaped from the windows to play with my friends, I do regret it.

I know we're very close because I've always been there for him. In the morning, I would be the one who was ready to join my father's morning exercise, running. I remember it was always still dark, my sisters would still be covered by their thick blanket while me, ready to fight with the morning breeze. Sometimes I wonder, why did I want to do that? If I didn't want to, I could just say no, but the fact that I did it, maybe it was also part of my unconditional love toward my father.

He would run so fast and leave me behind then I would be scared of being alone in the dark so I would try my best to chase him. Sometimes my father would trick me, give me his heavy bag and said that he needed to fix his shoelaces. when the bag was in my hands, he would run again, and I'd hardly try to chase him with that heavy bag.

That was happened eight or ten years ago. As the time goes by, We barely have time to do those things. My father is loosening his strict rules toward me. During my high school  I could go wherever I wanted to go, I could get home late in the night. To get those kind of freedom crept me out too. I asked my mother why he always permitted me doing everything, and my mom's answer made me speechless, "your father knows how stubborn you are, even though he says, no, you won't listen, you'll still do things you like, so tactfully he always says, yes". I wonder if I was really that stubborn, but thanks father for putting your trust on me that time.

Nowadays, I barely talk to my father. He isn't a text man, neither do I. He's not so keen on talking on the phone, and I found it more difficult to build conversation on the phone with him, you know, things have changed, and when it happened, we're at different place and situation.

As he goes older, I know how I come to this level of stubbornness, it was inherited by him.

About two weeks ago, I went home. As usual, my father would gladly drive me to places I requested. We talked a lot along the way. My father isn't the kind of man who said sweet words to me, we often exchanged nag and ended up defensing ourselves. It was still the same fun.

Two weeks ago, I realized one thing, I need to get to know my father more and my father needs to get to know me more, because in several part, I'm not the same as I used to be. It's quite amusing, let me give you example. During lebaran, I was quite exhausted following my father here and there visiting thousands of relatives which meant I tied my hand on my father's hand, which also meant not ordinary since in my town, people at my age should go with friends, not with their father visiting all the oldies. I did enjoy knowing my relatives, but I felt too tired that time so I did protest him why he kept forcing me to follow him everywhere. His answer made me furious, "Is it a burden following me? why? wanna go with your friends? where are they? I don't see one these days, and its not like you have a boyfriend either to take you everywhere, so just follow me and memorize all your relatives". I was burned that time, I didn't want to just lose, so I answered, "why mentioning boyfriend? how am I going to have boyfriend if I always follow my father and my mother everywhere?". My father just laughed. I thought about it a lot, he's surely concerned about me. These days I barely meet my friends, they're busy with their own lives and I wont bother disturbing them. It brought me to tears though.

Another story that strengthened the fact that we both needs to get to know each other more, we've got so many relatives, some of them live quite far that we need to drive there. One day we planned to visit one of them. My father warmed up his old car, then my mother got in, my two sisters came afterward while I was still in my bedroom, fixing my messy liquid eyeliner, to be honest I'm not in to eyeliner, I'm still amateur. I wasn't keen on 'make up', but these days I learned about it. When I got home, people kept thinking that I was still students, and my mother kept encouraging me to change a bit, to take care of my 'womanish side' to look as what adult woman looks in my town. So that day, my father kept pressing the horn calling me out. I was really angry because even in a normal situation, I hardly put on eyeliner, in a hurry moment like that, I saw a picture of mountain on my eyelids, it was horrible. I took all of my 'make up' things, then got out of home with sully face, my father asked if I was asleep before, of course it was just a sarcastic way. I told him that I needed more time for my 'make up', he was just like giving less care and mumbled stuff like "why bother putting make up, what for, woman with make up or without make up is just the same". I was like argh! it's useless to answered, so I started erasing my eyeliner. Along the rocky road, I thought a lot, previous time, when I got home, I still didn't like putting 'make up' so I didn't need more time, but these time, I can't just leave home shabbily, I've got that sense of shame and I want to respect my self more.

Well, there were too many stories to be told here, stories I want to remember, I learned a lot last time I was home. When I kissed that old man before leaving home for another year, I talk to him in my heart, "dad, I might not be anyone now, but I'm sure that I'm not stubborn for no reason, I promise to understand you better in the future".

Ah, I write for this long, once I read this again, I miss my father more. I love him unconditionally.

Hello September!

Never be too dependent on someone because even your shadow leaves you when you're in the dark (overheard)

Hometown

I can't believe that its finally the 17th day of August! no, I'm not posting about independence day, but today is the day I'm going back to my hometown after 8 months. I can already smell home. these are pictures of the beauty of my hometown taken in my last holiday, pretty, aren't they? ;)

TADAIMA~